Monthly Archives: October 2016

My Journey Into BDSM: Saturday With Sir

Sir came over tonight for dinner. I picked up my favorite dishes that I had grown up on since he had never had the food of my father’s country before. I think it went well, he tried everything at least. I didn’t have any wine with dinner, nor had I had a drink prior to our session. He wanted me to be sharp to enjoy everything he would be doing to me. I have to agree it was much more pleasurable.

After dinner we retired to my bedroom where I had already laid out all the toys I thought he might like to use. His surprise for me were more toys. I liked them to say the least.

This session was longer and more harsh than our previous session. The “bruiser” he promised me lived up to its name, not only was it a hard paddle it also had little plastic nubs that left bright red polka-dots on my fair behind.

Our session started with him undressing me. Although he liked my new lingerie, he felt there was no need for it this evening. He removed my fancy bra top but left my Brazilian cut panties on. We started the same way as last time; he put me over his knees and spanked me as he pulled my panties further up my crack. It was so pleasurable and a nice warm up for what was to come.

He put restraints on my wrists and ankles before he had me stand facing the wall. After soothing my skin he began the spankings. I misstepped once or twice by moving out of position, but he was very understanding and told me to hold my pose until he said I could move or to ask if I needed to move. I did better after that.

He moved me to the bed while my restraints were still in place. There were a few spankings that stung quite a bit, but of course I couldn’t tell what he was using on me at the time. It stung so I could only assume what he was using was one of the firm sticks we have. When he smacked me in the same spot I was close to using my safe word or at least a warning word but, he switched spots and I was fine.

Sir had a new device for me that I couldn’t have ever imagined. In fact, while he was using it on me all I could think was that it was a pattern cutter seamstresses use. Turns out it was exactly like that, a spiked wheel that he ran all over my body. Harder in some spots and lighter in others. It was very nice when he did it lightly, it was even nicer when he pressed it into my skin harder.

Sir was a little harsher on me with the switches and sticks that were set out for him. We both have several sturdy sticks of sorts. A light swat with one is pleasant, a harder swat stings almost unbearably. He selected the latter and my ass, legs, and back were stinging. I didn’t have to use a safe word although I was feeling the stings to the core of me. When he flogged me it was a welcome relief as they sting on the ends but the rest of the cords are comforting. I was stung more with the sticks, I wish I could describe them more accurately but they are simply hard wood sticks with handles for gripping.

Sir showed me my backside in the full-length mirror and I had some nice welts and of course the pock marks from the “bruiser”. Very pretty reds were criss-crossed along my backside. I’m looking forward to how they will look tomorrow.

Although he hit me with fervor and purpose, I was able to take it beautifully. From what I could tell from the feelings I was receiving, I think he used the leather split strap, several of our sticks, a studded belt, and the riding crop. He was proud of me and I was proud of myself. Making Sir proud makes me very happy. Our sessions make me tired, but I persevered until the end. I only had to use my safe word once; he had a nipple clamp on me and pulled and slapped it with a rod at the same time. It was a blinding pain that I didn’t think I could get through a second time which brought tears to my eyes. He honored my safe word, pulled up the blindfold seeing the tears, and removed the clip. There were still more smacks to my breasts and pinches on my nipples but he was a little more observant of my pain. He really increased the amount of trust I place in him already.

Although I explained that I can only orgasm clitoraly he persevered trying to make me come in other ways. Finally he asked me to show him, so I pulled out what he liked to call my “kitchen mixer” and made myself come as he watched and caressed my body. 

After the usual spankings and play, he added a few other new devices. One was a set of gloves with spikes coming out of them. He used them to lightly trail along my body, but he also used them a little more firmly in different erotic spots as well. The spiked wheel made another appearance which felt great. 

I am pleased I made it through our second session without having to use my safe word more than once. Sir said he was proud of me as well. He didn’t think I could take the pain he administered, but I did my best. Although the smacks in the same place more than once were almost unbearable I made it through and the pain subsided as soon as he stopped.

Sir has said we will meet once a week for a several hour session, but he would like to see me during the week so we can stay connected even if it’s just for a coffee. I’m looking forward to getting closer to Sir so my trust grows as well.

Sir’s final instruction to me was to sleep naked which I obliged. His thought is that the more time I spend naked alone, the more comfortable I will feel while I am with him. I am not a fan of my body and its size right now, and he knows this. He also got me a little tiny chargeable vibrator in pink, it’s the size of a bullet. I was supposed to use it last night, but I was too tired and fell asleep. I will use it tonight as instructed and I’m sure it will bring me exactly the pleasure he wants for me. 


My Journey Into BDSM: Thursday Without Sir, Sort Of…

Tuesday was a little bit scary for me. I didn’t follow Sir’s instructions on Monday or on Tuesday and I stayed in bed until eleven. Sir was not pleased with me and threatened to come over within minutes to confront me, or what I assume would have been to punish me. My house was not ready for Sir and there was a huge chance that my kid and/or my mother would pop in. I had dirty laundry on the floor of my bedroom, there was a dirty pot left on the stove from my kid, the face-painting tools I bought for the job I just lost and never got to use were on my kitchen table, and the litter box was overflowing. My house is better today since the maid will be here tomorrow. There is of course cat hair everywhere, but she always gets it all. I’m very pleased Sir didn’t see my mess.

I digress…

Tuesday, the one thing I needed to take care of was shop at Sam’s. Sir was still saying he would be coming over but this time he said he would meet me in the Sam’s parking lot so we could talk. Once I was dressed and ready I got into my car and pulled out of the garage. I was waiting at the light at the edge of my neighborhood when I received another text from Sir. He was at my house and wanted to drive over together. I explained that I had already left so he told me to wait for him in the parking lot. I got to the parking lot about fifteen minutes before him and I was nervous about what he would say to me about my behavior.

Sir arrived and walked up to my car window, I rolled it down and spoke to him for a minute before he rounded the car and got into the front passenger seat. The first light-heartening occurance in the tension was when he got in and told me to roll up my window. It was already up, I giggled and he commented on how clean it was. I like a clean car as well. Sir looked at me and my anxious state and his heart softened. He spoke to me softly and told me how he cared about me and instilled the rules on me to help me. I knew he was speaking the truth, but I was still nervous. I didn’t know what my actions would cause and I really needed to get my shopping done. Haha! We sat in the car for about twenty minutes talking and he told me that he wouldn’t punish me for my actions, or lack there of.

Let me digress once more… My kid and I went to CVS to pick up meds that were ready. The pharmacist recognized me and knew my kid’s name asking if we were there for me or my kid. My kid asked if I went there often and all I could reply was, “I guess so.” It’s nice to be recognized by someone in a very busy store. That was a little bright spot in my day that started so scary.

Knowing that Sir wouldn’t punish me and also that he had a nice surprise for me this weekend was very relieving. I am still very nervous about Saturday, but I will persevere and carry on for Sir. He has a new paddle for me, it’s called “the bruiser”. I’m not sure if I should be happy or concerned. I am leaning towards happy since Sir has been very kind to me and said I wouldn’t be punished. I may still do something that displeases him on Saturday, but I plan to do my best to obey and be a diligent sub.

I had two great interviews today and I expect more in the near future. I have to take my Scottish Fold to the vet tomorrow but the rest of the day I plan to look for positions I qualify for. The remainder of the time between now and Saturday will be dedicated to making sure I am ready for Sir. My kid will be going to the dad’s house for the weekend and my mom knows that Sir is coming over so I don’t expect her. Even though it should be safe I plan to lock the lower locks on my front doors so that no one can just pop in. That would be dramatic and crazy! I have no idea how to explain that! My best girlfriend is aware of Sir and what we do, but she is very understanding and basically told me, “You’re grown, you know what you want and that’s fine!” She has always been understanding with me and I love her for it.

Sir will be here Saturday evening, so stay tuned for the play-by-play!

My Journey Into BDSM: Monday Without Sir

Sir gave me a strict schedule since today is the first day of my unemployment. What he asked of me and what happened didn’t coincide.

Sir’s plan:

8:00          Wake Up, freshen-up.

8:30.         Run

9:00.         Coffee and Breakfast

10:00        Shower

10:15          Meditate

10:30         Applying and searching for job opportunities

12:30         Lunch

1:15            Back to applying

3 – 6          Freetime, pick up the house, cook (I hate cooking. I can and I’m very good at it, but I hate it.)

6 – 8          Read and/or write in my journal

8:00          Time for Sir

8:30          Read & watch TV

11:00        Bedtime

He was very adamant that I follow this schedule. I was adamant that I would follow the schedule, until this morning arrived. I heard my child shower and leave for school before seven as usual. Next I heard my first alarm go off at eight. I turned that off knowing that the next alarm would be a short time later. The second alarm went off at 8:30 and I turned it off as well. I am not by any means a morning person and this morning was no different than any other day. I could not get up at 8:30. At ten I heard my phone chime announcing a text message, I rolled over knowing I would answer it shortly. A little while later my phone chimed again and I again rolled over to try and go back to sleep. This time I couldn’t sleep, so I reluctantly put my glasses on and checked my phone. It was my sister-in-law telling me where we could meet for lunch, a plan we texted about a day earlier. I had some photos and paintings from our father-in-law’s house and I wanted to give them to my late husband’s brother’s family since my late husband and I didn’t have children together. It would be more meaningful for the brother’s family obviously. I texted her back letting her know where I would meet her and what time to which she responded a later time to avoid the lunch crowd. That pleased me and gave me a full extra thirty minutes to sleep. I did my best to sleep more, but I think I only got a few minutes before I felt guilty and finally got up to make a cup of coffee. So I’m three hours behind Sir’s schedule, but I don’t care at this point – sleep, oh precious sleep had found me and I wasn’t giving her up for anything! 

I had a cup of coffee while trying to watch the news. Being a cord cutter has its price – news at 10:30 in the morning is pretty non-exsistant. I don’t have a cable subscription so I can’t even get the FREE local channels without an antenna. I put on CBSN which took about one cup of coffee before it annoyed me, so I got into the shower earlier than planned to get ready to meet my SIL. In the bedroom I have Apple TV so I was able to put on Reuters for their thirty minute news recap. That was so much better than what the living room offered me. I was actually paying attention when I realized I needed to leave so I wouldn’t be late.

I got to lunch just five minutes before twelve-thirty. I had to make the u-turn under the freeway because I missed the restaurant the first time I passed. Luckily there wasn’t any traffic so she didn’t have to wait for me very long. We caught up over lunch and a couple of drinks. When she first asked me to come by her new house I was hesitant knowing I needed to go by the grocery store on my way home. After thinking about it for a little while I realized I hadn’t seen her in over a year and I would really enjoy spending more time with her so I told her that I could come by. We got to her house about one-thirty. After a tour of the new place and an introduction to the new puppy, we relaxed on the patio with a glass of white wine. It was nice catching up with her, but I did get a text from Sir while I was there since I hadn’t checked in with him all day. 

Once I told Sir that I was with SIL and I hadn’t seen her in about a year he was fine with that and told me to have a good time. We did. I sent my child to the grocery store for me so I could hang out until almost four. I got to see my nephew shortly before I left. I finished my burrito for dinner tonight and now I am just waiting for eight o’ clock to contact Sir. I know he will not be happy with me, but I plan to tell him the truth about my day since trust is a major part of a D/s relationship. So give me a few mintutes and I’ll get back to my story…

Sir is very upset with me. I didn’t follow instructions and I know I will be punished. He agreed to allow me to sleep until 10 now since I have so much trouble getting up in the mornings when I don’t take my Adderall at 4 AM. Tomorrow I will get up at 10, head to Sam’s for some household items that I need, then hit the internet to job hunt. I will also go out for a walk/run with my kid and not drink. Both Sir and my kid will be happy about that. I know I drink too much, I have so many issues; major depressive disorder, anxiety, eating disorder, dysania, misophonia, and a highly addictive personality. If Sir can help me I will be very grateful for that. If he can’t I will still be grateful for the effort.

That’s it for today, I will of course keep you posted.

My Journey Into BDSM: Saturday With Sir

I pushed aside my lack of motivation, depression, and anxiety Saturday afternoon as I got ready for Sir and his plans. Once I was pleased with how I was dressed, I drove to the center of town to the spa where Sir made my reservation. I was treated to a wax, a facial, and a massage. First came the wax. The aesthetician got a little weepy on me. I thought I should be the one crying as she was ripping out my pubic hair from the roots, but I brought up memories of her best friend who was killed over the summer by a trustee-inmate in a semi that hit her head on in a no-passing lane. While she talked about life and death, she continued to rip out my hairs one painful strip at a time. Her distraction didn’t help my cause any, the strips got struck more than once and she had to do a double pull. O. U. C. H! She also did my facial, but she was in a better mood at this point. Apparently, I’m dehydrated which makes your pores small and tight so her extraction tool had to do overtime. Another ouch. The hot rock massage was the best and the last treatment. My muscles between my shoulder blades are a little sore today, but all in all I feel pretty good.

When I was finished with the spa I headed over to the tapas restaurant Sir had chosen for me. I turned my car over to the valet and took my seat. Again, the restaurant was loud. I knew it would be hard to hear Sir once he arrived. It was, but I leaned in and was able to hear more than our previous meeting. I was anxious about the next part of our evening but not so much to give me that familiar knot in my stomach. My girlfriend was worried and kept texting to check up on me. Satisfied that I was fine, she finally left me alone for a while.

After dinner we headed to the hotel for our first session together. I waited in the lobby for Sir as he checked in. He handed me a card key and I headed upstairs. When I got to the room the door wouldn’t open. I tried several times to no avail. When I went back to the front desk they wouldn’t help me without Sir. He had gone out to his car and hadn’t returned yet. Upon entering the lobby he saw me at the front desk frustrated and spoke to the prick who was being unhelpful. Turns out the prick wrote down the wrong room. We got the right room and headed for the elevator bank.

Once in the room, we began unpacking the toys. I brought mine, and Sir brought the ones he purchased that day for me. He didn’t want anything touching me that had touched someone else, so he bought me all new toys for him to play with. In the bedroom of our suite, I undressed to my black bustier and black lace panties then sat blindfolded in my submissive pose to wait for Sir. He came in a short time later and complimented me. Keeping my eyes down I thank him and smiled. I can do this, I thought to myself. Sir helped me up then put me over his knees for my first round of spankings with his hand. Hand spankings are never that bad, so it was a good warm-up for what was to come.

Sir showed me his favorite sub position and removed my panties. He followed up with swift swats with what I assume was my switch. They stung. As soon as he stopped I was fine again; no lasting pain. Sir removed my bustier and placed me on the bed. The spankings that were to follow were much harsher and stung incredibly badly. I did have to go to “yellow” once or twice but I was still okay once he stopped. Sir did his best to give me an orgasm but between the irritation from the Brazilian and possibly my anti-aniexty med it just wasn’t going to happen. I got one punishment for not following a direct order, but Sir was still gentle on me. The rest of the evening, I did as I was told and did my best to please Sir. My anti-anxiety med makes me tired, so we stopped and snuggled on the bed. I fell asleep for a short while, once awake we cleaned up the room and left. Not the worst first session, at least it’s under my belt now so to speak.

Sir texted me shortly after I got home to make sure I made it safely. I had and was already in my pajamas at that point. I returned his text, smiled, and went to bed.

Today I have a few bruises and a few nice red marks but no pain. Sir was gentle with me, I am sure he won’t be next time.

My BDSM Journey

My late husband and I were dabbling in BDSM before he got sick. Having lost my sex drive it sparked it again and we were back on a regular schedule of sex after a long time of having it only every few months or so. When he passed I started looking for a Dom to teach me more and carry me fully into the lifestyle.

I got on FetLife and found Sir. We were texting for about a week when I Googled him and found no online presence. That bothered me so I asked him about it. He came clean and told me his real name so I would feel more comfortable. His explanation was that he had to know I was a real person and not someone who would blackmail him because he has a prominent career. I still wasn’t comfortable so my mom and I googled the heck out of him. We found decent information so I agreed to meet him for dinner last week.


Dinner was nice, but the restaurant was so loud I couldn’t hear most of what he said to me. After dinner we got into my car and went through the contract. We agreed on all the same points. The only thing that wasn’t on the contract that he added was foot tourture. I love having my arches slapped so I agreed even though he wants oil heated by a hairdryer. I have my safe word so I’m not concerned. We got a little rambunctious in the car, but other than some kissing and breast play nothing more happened.


Tomorrow he has scheduled a spa day for me. I get a facial, massage, and Brazilian wax. I’m so happy about the waxing, it’s like a 70’s porno down there right now. After my trip to glamourville we will have dinner then head to a hotel for my first training session. It excites me every time I think about it, but I am also a bit scared. I don’t know what to expect even though he has assured me he will ease me into it. He is well trained and very caring so I know I will be okay throughout.

That’s all I have for today, check on Sunday for the play-by-play of Saturday night.