Monthly Archives: November 2016

My Journey Into BDSM: Tuesday Without Sir

I got some bad news today. The Adderall showed up on my drug screening for my new job. That is not good considering it’s an amphetamine. I explained it to the HR guy, but he said that a doctor would be contacting me to ensure I have a prescription and I am not a drug abuser. I am on pins and needles waiting for this doctor to call me. The HR guy said they wouldn’t know the details of what the doctor and I discussed, just whether or not I was a drug abuser. I’m not, I swear I’m not! I don’t even take it on the weekends! I hope he calls tomorrow so I can stop worrying about it. I will definitely need my second anti-anxiety med tonight.

Sir is traveling today and will not get back home until late this evening. I’ll probably be awake, so I hope to hear from him even if it’s brief. His flights are excruciatingly long, so I assume that means he will be drop-dead tired. That’s okay, if I don’t hear from him tonight I will hear from him tomorrow.

I was productive again today. I didn’t get the car washed because it’s supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow, but that’s no big deal. I went by Spec’s and picked up bottles of wine and crackers for the party. I will get the cheeses Friday or Saturday so they keep. I’m sure they’ll be fine, they’re mold anyway, LOL. Next I stopped and picked up my meds and finished buying things for the kid’s stocking. It’s nice and full now. Finally I went grocery shopping. I had two carts full once the bagger got everything put together. Luckily I had cash on me. He seemed very normal, then he started speaking to me and I realized he was a bit slow. I gave him a $5 tip, because he was very kind and very helpful. 

I got my mistletoe hung in the doorway to the living room, it looks great. Mom stopped by with the kid’s stocking, she is still working on my matching one. She has made the same stocking nine times now as our family keeps growing. The bad part is that they are HUGE! You have buy a lot of presents and candy to fill those crazy things, but they are adorable. She’s very talented. She liked my decorations and I have to agree, the house looks festive.

I am currently doing laundry and on my last load, so the productivity continues. Now if I can just muster the motivation to put it all away for a change. I am still waiting on a clothing company to send me my new clothes that I ordered. I’d hoped to be able to take them to SC, but I guess now both of those are up in the air. I may have to contact the recruiter at the accounting firm after all. I’ll be sure not to take my Adderall the next time I have to have a drug screening. So stupid of me, I knew it might show up, what was I thinking?! Lesson learned. I just hope it works out all right. Fingers crossed.

I think that’s all I got done today, no directions from Sir at the moment, so I have been stress free for several days now. No depressing thoughts today until I spoke to the HR guy about my screening. Now I’m a little down, but I can get through this.

That’s my Tuesday so far, I hope yours was well also.

UPDATE: I put all my laundry away! Yay me! So productive! I had a nice little chat with my girlfriend and she told me not to stress about the drug screening. I am going to be proactive and stop by my GP’s office tomorrow to acquire a letter stating which drugs I am on, the dosage, and why. I can’t just sit back and wait for some doctor to call me whenever he has the chance while I need to fly out Sunday to really get this job started. Also, I’m still waiting on those dang clothes! I got an email saying I will get a package tomorrow, I hope it’s the clothes because I think all of my Christmas presents have already arrived.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Sir has made it home. I sent him a text so he would get it when he landed and he responded. He told me not to worry about the Adderall and to keep him posted. I will. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him I’m a little nervous about seeing him on Friday night. I haven’t been obedient towards anyone for over ten days and now I have to get back into true sub-mode. I’m ready, but I’m hoping it isn’t too hard to get back into. I want to please Sir, but Friday will be our first session in quite a while. I think I am up for it, I think I can obey as required, but I am not sure I can spend the night. I hope Sir doesn’t mind. I haven’t slept in the same bed with anyone since my husband died in 2015. I think it’s too soon. We don’t know each other well enough to be so close, but if he wants me to stay I will do my best to be comfortable and stay.

LAST UPDATE:  I am the worst secret keeper. I let my kid open a present today. Kid is an artist like me. Even though it’s a totally different media I bought kid an airbrush and compressor so kid could try a new style. Kid loved it, and I hope kid will make good use of it. Kid seemed thrilled, so I hope something good will come from this new present.

Kid and I had a long conversation about Jim. Kid doesn’t remember a time in kid’s life without Jim. The decorations made us think about him again. Kid went through therapy and was told kid was handling all of kid’s issues very maturely and didn’t’ need further therapy. I have an appointment with the same therapist on Thursday. I am not sure I will be able to fully open up to her but I will try with a few of my silly and kinky tendencies.  I’ll of course keep you updated. 

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My Journey Into BDSM: Monday Without Sir

I was a little productive today. Although I slept late knowing that my days of sleeping in are dwindling, I got up and took my kid’s car to get inspected. Next I took it to the dealership because of a recall, but the dealership where I bought it has apparently closed. I’ll have to take it to the other dealership to have it checked out. I received four package deliveries today, so I wrapped them all. I also set up an appointment with a plumber to check out a few things around the house that I am having issues with. So that was the productive part of my day.

I have to take my car into the dealership tomorrow so I must be up by 9, which I am not thrilled about, but if they can fix the issues I will be thrilled. I’m not looking forward to the wait, but what can I do?

I got a message from a large accounting firm about a third interview, but since they sent me a note last week saying they had filled the position I took the other job. Apparently the email was for a different position but they neglected to tell me that. The recruiter was very nice and I think I made a great impression because she told me to stay in touch if my new position didn’t work out. Wow, that was an ego booster for sure.

I’m having a good day mentally. No depressive thoughts today, and I feel like I’ve accomplished something even though it was just a few things. I hope tomorrow will be a lot more productive as long as I can get out of the dealership at a decent time.

Sir is doing some traveling today, so I am not expecting to hear from him, but if I do I am sure it will be very limited. He gets back late tomorrow night, so I expect to hear from him once he’s home even if it is late. A few more pretty items showed up today. There was a coursett that I have no idea how to lace up by myself, and a set of black bra, panties, and garter belts. Stay up stockings don’t stay up on my thighs, the garter belts will help with that. So I guess I would wear the panties over the belts so they can be removed while the belts stay in place. I think Sir would appreciate that.

I haven’t heard about my travel plans for my new job, but they have to get the results from my drug screening before they can move forward. Is Adderall an issue? I hope not. I have a prescription so that’s easily explained. Nothing else should show up in my system because my other meds aren’t the types of drugs they are looking for. If I don’t hear from them tomorrow I will send an email myself and see where we are with the plans.

My friend who Jim asked to look out for me just contacted me. We are having lunch together on Wednesday. I haven’t seen him in ages, he has a new girlfriend and our mutual friends are a bit miffed with him. It’ll be nice to see him again, but I must remain impartial. I am not part of the riff between them, so it’s really none of my business. He’s like my older brother, and I’m his annoying little sister.

Putting the presents under the tree has not curtailed the middle cat from chewing on and playing with the tree. If anything they have given her a boost up to reach the previously out of reach ornaments. Luckily most of the balls I have on the tree are plastic so they won’t shatter when she knocks them down. The baby cat is also chewing on the tree, but she is too short to reach the ornaments. Big cat couldn’t care less about the tree thankfully.

Happy Monday!

UPDATE: I was able to chat with Sir before he boarded his flight. We talked about orgasms mostly. I have become more willing and he has seen the change in me. This weekend’s chats took me a long way towards total understanding and willingness to fully submit and allow things to progress naturally.

My Journey Into BDSM: A Good Sunday But Without Sir

Today has been a stress free day and I have felt nothing but relaxed. There are no direct orders from Sir that I have to follow, I feel free even though I have a lot to do this week. As I mentioned previously, I leave next Sunday through Thursday to train for my new job, then return late at night, go to work by 7:30 AM on Friday, see the psychiatrist, shop for a few things for the party that night, and get the house and patio ready for the guests at six. Tomorrow is one more day I get to sleep in late though. I haven’t heard from Sir today, but after our long chat yesterday I am not concerned. He is with family and we are on hugely different time zones so no problem. Besides he usually sends me a text in his morning which is around my bedtime.
First on my list is to take my kid’s car to get inspected so I can renew her registration. Tuesday I need to take my car to the dealership because the bike rack they ordered for me fell off the back of the car, bikes and all. I was rear-ended in May and they never fixed my kick-lift, so I need to get both those items sorted out on Tuesday at ten. Hopefully I won’t have to spend the whole day there, but I will have my iPad with me so I can at least write if it does take all day.
I need to organize the house and all the presents that have been arriving so the maid can come while I am away at training. Although my kid has never snooped, I am going to wrap the ones that arrive just to take out the temptation. My mom offered to stay here with my kid while I am gone, so they can pick up any things that are lying around to clear up for the maid. That’s another reason I need to wrap the presents and put them under the tree, they are all on the guest bed. I really have to do my filing as well since it is all over the tiny desk in the guest room. I am so happy to be starting a job that allows me to afford a maid on a regular basis again. I can’t wait to make that call and re-setup the schedule.
The biggest reason the presents need to be put under the tree is the middle cat. She has been attacking the tree. If she isn’t chewing on one of the fake branches, she is reaching up and swatting at the balls on it. I did my best to keep the ornaments out of reach, but she has weirdly long arms. Every time I look over I see a little white paws swattting at something trying to knock it down.
Deciding on which cheeses to purchase is easy as long as Annie the cheese maven at my favorite speciality shop is working when I go in this week to purchase them. She’s amazing all I have to say is “Red wines, mostly cabs, twenty people, do your best…” and she picks the most amazing cheeses ever! I do pretty well on my own, but she always has something exotic that no one has ever heard of before and of course we do a taste test in the store. There’s a reason Annie is not petite! I assume they will keep for a week in the fridge still wrapped up. I just need to figure out how many people will actually attend. It’s annoying when you see that someone has viewed your evite but hasn’t responded. I know at least three couples who are attending yet they haven’t responded to the invitation.
Wine. I need to go to Sam’s and pick up the wine for the party. What’s a wine and cheese party without wine? I’m sure everyone will bring a bottle or two, but it’s nice to have a variety on hand just in case. My wine cooler is dwindling, it’s a good time to stock up. I got the cutest wine glass identifiers, but I was very disappointed to find out that Spec’s no longer carries Reidel glasses. I used to have sixteen of them for red wine and I think I’m down to seven. I have plenty for white wine, but my glass identifiers disappeared in the renovations. I have cute googlie-eyed monsters that grab the stem with their mouths, several wine-related ones, and some world landmarks that are cute, the leaning tower of Pisa actually leans! The few I have left from before are all golf-related so there aren’t any duplicates.
A trip to the grocery store is in order, but it should be quick because I only need to get some things for my kid’s lunches since I won’t be here next week and I can survive on Adkins microwave meals for five days. The only challenge that I face is to get myself into the shower. I can do it. It’s time. I need to get out of this house, I haven’t been anywhere since Thanksgiving and it’s weighing on my mind. Sir would agree and as soon as he reads this I am sure that will be a task assigned to me with severe consequences if I disobey. Disobeying would only stress me out since I would have to scramble to gather things for the party and stress about what my punishment might be. He’s been very kind with his punishments so far, knowing that I am fragile mentally. I think the longer I am with him and the more I get to learn about him and our relationship the better he will be with punishing me in a way that doesn’t mess with me mentally.
Three very pretty baby dolls came in the mail for Sir today; one black, one red, and one electric blue. I can’t wait to see what he thinks of them. I am supposed to keep a running tab on things I purchase for us, but that makes me feel a little weird taking money from Sir even though he likes to spoil me. I do like to be spoiled, it’s just been a very long time since I have been. The last person who tried to lavish me with presents turned into a controlling and verbally abusive maniac, but that was seventeen years ago now. I don’t think Sir has those tendencies. He has never frightened or even concerned me during any of our meetings or sessions. He actually makes me feel safe, beautiful, and cherished. I think that’s the goal of a truly good Master; make sure his sub is safe and happy. I am.
His homecoming is going to be even sweeter now that we got a lot of things out in the open yesterday. Sir called me out on trying to sabotage our relationship. I have a tendency to do that with all relationships I have with men. He saw it; he’s the first person who ever actually saw it for what it is and took me to task about it. My friend from college who knows all about mine and Sir’s relationship is the only other person to call me out on my self destructive ways. I miss her, I wish she was closer.
Sir has taught me a lot in the few weeks we have spent together. For that, I am very grateful. This post is all over the place and rambling so I apologize, my mind is just a little scattered right now, but thanks for reading!

My Journey Into BDSM: No Longer With Sir

Sir sent me a long text from overseas yesterday. He said that I had been through a tough time and he was proud of me, which made me feel amazing. He also said the orders he had given me to fulfill while he was gone could be forgotten. I had actually made him proud, PROUD! I didn’t think I was capable of making anyone proud. It brought tears to my eyes, good tears.

I read and reread that text several times before I could reply even though he had very nice things to say to me all I could focus on was the question he asked me. His one question was “do you have roller coasters with me?” That was the only part of the text that I focused on, everything else disappeared while I zeroed in on that one question. My gut answer was “yes” even though we met in a tumultutuous time in my life. I wrote back to Sir to tell him that I do feel roller coasters with him and that I thought I should limit or stop communicating with him. His response as expected was to wish me well and sign off. I expected a feeling of relief, but the opposite happened. I have never felt so alone so all of a sudden. 

When my husband died I had time to prepare and say my goodbyes to him. I have girlfriends I can talk to but they are all married and really don’t understand the utter aloneness one can feel while being in a room full of people. Having a chat with Sir seemed to alleviate a lot of that loneliness. He was actually helping me and I didn’t see it. He would force me out of the house which always put me in a better mood. Thursday was a good day, I was out of the house and I decorated for Christmas. Yesterday and today were filled with tears. It’s worse today and I’m afraid it may get even worse tomorrow.

I’m not sure that my roller coasters were related to Sir per se, I have some work to do on myself. I know when I don’t follow orders it makes me very sad, but when I do follow orders and Sir praises me for doing so I feel a joy I haven’t felt in a very long time. Is it selfish to want the joy without the sadness? We were still in training mode and I failed miserably, but I got through a tough time in my life and Sir was proud of me despite the fact that I hadn’t been able to follow orders. He was becoming a mentor and a confidant to me. Now, I have no one. I didn’t think this one through long enough. I am on more of a roller coaster today than I have been since we met in the store parking lot after I had displeased him the first time.

Now I have all these pretty things I ordered for Sir that keep arriving each day that make me realize they will stay in the drawer and may never get worn. I already miss Sir, but there is no turning back now. He knows I am a basket case and tried to tread lightly with me and I pushed him away twice. If I am ever able to find another Dom I will have to be more diligent and obedient and hope he has a sliver of the understanding Sir had for me and my depression. I don’t even want to leave the house again, and I doubt I will make it to the psychiatrist. I will be ready to start my new job next Sunday, and hope that the newness of it and everything I have to learn will keep me occupied and my mind off losing Sir.

Loneliness is not fun. Loneliness sucks. Loneliness is hard to overcome even if you have friends. All my friends are with their families this weekend. My mom has gone to see her sister, my sister and I are not close; all I really have are my friends. I don’t expect any company or texts this weekend. It’s just me and the cats. I see my future and it’s bleak.

I really need to take a shower and get out of the house tomorrow. I just know I won’t have a the motivation to do so. Every time I start thinking about doing something productive I tear up and break down. The roller coaster is all me, it has nothing to do with Sir.

Have you ever acted so rashly that it affected you and your life in a negative way even though you thought it might be good for you?

UPDATE: 

Sir read my blog and contacted me at almost the exact same time I contacted him to tell him that I made a horrible mistake. We have been chatting for the past hour and are working things out. He understands my inability to be normal and is willing to help me with it.

I am so happy right now. I have stopped crying and I am in a much better mood. I didn’t realize how much Sir had affected my life and how much brighter he made it. Losing him right now was not truly what I wanted.

I have reached out to a therapist that treated my kid and I think I will like speaking with her. I plan to keep my appointment with the psychiatrist and have him re-evaluate my meds. I have a lot that needs to come out and therapy and new meds might finally get me to a point that my quality of life is improved. I’m looking forward to it. I think Sir will be happy about it as well, a happy sub is a much more obedient sub.

Now I am welcoming those packages of pretty things that I’ve ordered. They won’t have to sit in the drawer, I get to wear them for Sir. I’m pretty sure I will be spending the night on the 2nd unless I can’t sleep. I have my Lunesta, so that should knock me out until morning. A nice breakfast together would be amazing.
I’m off to bed while Sir starts his day. I am so glad we had this chat and I can’t wait to see him again.

My Journey Into BDSM: Thanksgiving Without Sir

Today was a good day. Unusual for me since going to my sibling’s house is usually a stressful event. My kid and I arrived just as dinner was almost finished cooking. My mom had everything under control. This time there were only family members at the house plus two missionaries who were very sweet and very grateful for the invitation. We took the back roads so the drive up was easy enough, just over an hour and fifteen to get there. It was the calmest most serene Thanksgiving that has ever been held at that house and I was very thankful for that.

We of course made our excuses because my kid needed to pick up the significant other and we left just an hour and a half after we arrived. It was okay, everyone was done eating and just mulling around. I actually enjoyed being there for once. My mom cooked all the staples that I grew up with and that made me very happy; going to other people’s houses for a Thanksgiving meal is usually disappointing. We used to go to my late husband’s father’s house and his southern wife made the most southern meal and I hated all of it. The worst part was that she would never sit down to eat, she felt like she had to constantly serve everyone especially her husband (she was my late husband’s step mother). So the meal lasted about two hours because even though everyone else was finished eating we had to wait for this woman to finally sit down and eat. I was very pleased how today went.

My plan when I got home was to bring down the Christmas decorations from the attic and put them up tomorrow, but once they were down and I started looking at some of the boxes the memories flooded back and I couldn’t help myself. I decorated the house and it feels good. I didn’t decorate last year because not only was it the first Christmas without my husband, my kid and I spent it in London. I didn’t think there was really any need to decorate. Once I started pulling out the ornaments and other decorations great memories flooded back and I am so happy that I decorated. I even plan to venture out into the madness of Black Friday, but only to a specialty hardware store to pick up a few essentials and maybe a few more decorations.

Two of the cats don’t seem to mind that I’ve moved their cat tree and added some other things into the living room. The third cat is really out of sorts. She has been sitting under the tree with a worried look on her face. Poor thing, she has no idea what’s going on. When she isn’t sitting under the tree she is climbing on everything else to figure out where she is supposed to be. Her favorite ottoman hasn’t moved and she finally settled down onto it. I hope she will acclimate soon.

I wasn’t going to write today since it was a busy day and I was in a good mood, but Sir mentioned in passing as we texted that he had become a little addicted to my daily posts so I moved a table and decided to post.

I have a dilemma that I’m not sure what to do about. I will start seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks. It’s long overdue and I really hope he will be someone who actually wants to talk to me for an hour instead of the usual “How are you? Here’s a prescription.” I’d like to find out more about my anxieties, my anti-social behavior, my addictions, my OCD, my dysania and mysophonia and perhaps finally get some meds that don’t make my head wonky. The thing is that I’m not sure if I want to reveal my relationship with Sir. In some ways I feel like I should, but in other ways I feel like maybe it’s too personal to talk about. Considering how I run through a roller coaster of emotions when dealing with Sir, I think it may come up, just not at first. I don’t even know if I will like this guy, but I really hope I do. That day is going to be quite a day for me. I will fly back from South Carolina Thursday and probably won’t get home until midnight. Then I need to be at work by 7:30. I will work until eleven before I leave for my psych appointment. That may take it out of me, but I have to persevere because my holiday wine and cheese party is that night starting at six. I know I mentioned all this before but I am very concerned about that Friday. I’m not sure which part is making the most nervous, the psych or being able to stay awake for my guests.

I have not followed any of Sir’s directives today. I am wearing undergarments and I have not pulled Freddie out of the drawer. I know I will have to answer to that, but it’s been a good day and I felt really nice. I just needed full freedom for a change. I think Sir might understand, at least I hope he does.

So that was my Thanksgiving, I hope yours went as well as mine. I am not looking forward to Christmas this year, my kid will be at the dad’s house instead of with me. When that happens we usually have an early Christmas so the actual day is just a day with nothing on TV, LOL.
May favorite Christmas decoration. If you haven’t seen A Christmas Story, you must! 

My Journey Into BDSM: Displeasing Sir, Without Sir

Today was supposed to be simple. A quick pop-in to the facility that does the drug screening for my new company and on to other things with my kid. Plans derailed. My kid and I sat together in the waiting room for two hours with nothing happening. Finally they called me and the other guy in and put us into another waiting room. We both got there at noon and it was around 2:00 at this point. There was only one person doing the drug screenings so we sat with all the Uber people who got called methodically while other guy and I sat and sat. We sat for an hour before I finally got called to offer my sample. The woman was slow. If someone spoke to her she couldn’t remember what she was doing. All I had to do was pee in a cup and blow into an alcohol thing. That should have taken five minutes not thirty! Needless to say my kid and I couldn’t make it to lunch since kid had to be at work by four. We picked up fast food instead of getting a decent lunch and kid made it to work on time. At least I got the tests done today and the results should be back in time for me to fly out for training on the 4th.

I had a long text chat with Sir this evening. He’s funny, we are in majorly different times zones so he thought I was with my family having Thanksgiving dinner. That’s not until tomorrow. He is having a good time with family and is in a nice luxury suite, I’m a little jealous. He returns to the States the evening of the 29th so we have plans to meet the 2nd since my kid is supposed to be at the dad’s house. He wants me to spend the night. We haven’t done that before. That might pose a challenge for me with my insomnia, but if I am able to stay I will stay.

Sir had an order for me that I may have mentioned. Make crepes before Thanksgiving. I don’t like crowds and the one place I did not want to be this week was the grocery store, so I didn’t make any crepes. He was very disappointed that I didn’t follow through as I was supposed to. He was actually surprised that I didn’t go out and pick up the stuff for the crepe making. I ordered the crepe cooker which came with the spreader, but not a spatula that wouldn’t scratch the non-stick surface of the cooker. He again was surprised that I didn’t just go to Sur l’Table and pick one up since it is near my house, French, and not in a mall. I didn’t even think about it, but I know I don’t want to do any shopping between now and Christmas. I did all my Christmas shopping last night online. The only things I have left to order are a few things for my kid that are on the Amazon wish list. Every year my dining room looks like an Amazon warehouse and I’m fine with that. I’m a Prime member for a reason and I get every penny out of the yearly fee.

I digressed… Sir was displeased that I hadn’t made the crepes before Thanksgiving as ordered and agreed upon. He told me that the making of the crepe wasn’t the issue but it was one of a communication issue. I agreed but I also felt very badly that I didn’t follow orders and I don’t like it when I disobey and disappoint; it makes me feel inadequate and sad. When he told me that he expected that I should have spent more effort to please him I broke down. I told him that I was sad and he said that I shouldn’t be because we are just discussing things. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t follow orders, I let Sir down, and I felt terrible. I couldn’t stop the tears. Sir didn’t want that, but I had to cry for a while. My meds tend to keep on an even keel, but I have found that I am still able to cry when I do wrong for Sir. He told me a story about one of his kids just jumping into a new challenge and succeeding. His point was that his kid had nothing in the brain to block the attempt while I have more in my brain that wires me toward failure so I have to actively choose to please Sir and make an effort to overcome my anxieties to do so. He blames my pre-filled brain for my inability to fully submit, but we are still new and he is away, so I think he is giving me a pass again. He does expect more from me in the near future. I must make strides to make sure I follow orders and make Sir happy. I was still crying at this point, I felt like such a failure. Once I washed my face and calmed down Sir changed the subject.

He wanted to know what I would wear the next time we meet. When I offered black stockings, he actually meant after I get to the room. I have a mission this week to find something pretty to wear for Sir when we meet again. I went online and looked at Agent Provocateur’s website to see what they had, knowing from living in Paris that they have very sexy stuff. I found several things I liked, but Sir did not like the prices. Apparently, $845 for a sexy body suit is too much. I will go to Saks and see what they have in the store, but I will also check other departments stores that aren’t as pricey for something.

To make up for being disobedient and sad Sir suggested I make the crepes tonight. I did, not only did I already have the ingredients in the house, it was easier than I thought it would be. I took a photo to show him and he was pleased. I plan to work with my mom on Monday evening to make chicken Alfredo crepes. I also want to try the mushroom crepe recipe in the book because the mushroom crepe I had at the creperie I went to in Dinard while on holiday was the most amazing crepe I have ever tried. I’ll also try a ham and cheese one to see if I can get my kid to try something new. If kid won’t eat crepes it’s going to be very difficult to go to Paris next Christmas without a lot of effort and cooking.

Sir asked me about Freddie and I had to admit that while using Freddie I had to break this week’s rule of no underclothes while alone because Freddie doesn’t stay in place without panties. Freddie is nice and compact, but he dies before I get to orgasm and I have to use my kitchen appliance to finish myself off. Sir was pleased I came for him even though it wasn’t just from Freddie. He plans to do something about that, I just don’t know what. It was very early in the morning for Sir and he needed sleep so this is where we left things. I had made up for my infractions, I had calmed down and wasn’t as upset about displeasing him, and I am feeling calm and ready for bed myself.

I hope your Wednesday was a little better than mine!

My Journey Into BDSM: Tuesday Without Sir

I was awoken this morning by my cellphone ringing in the other room. Although I got to it in time, the button wouldn’t slide and I missed the call. I knew who it was from and called back immediately. I was offered the job I interviewed for yesterday. I can’t truly explain how over the moon I am.

The last job I had I absolutely hated and the pay was unsustainable. I went through a ridiculous amount of my savings just to pay my bills while I worked there. Now I will be able to rebuild my savings and put a little more towards retirement as well.

The company will be sending me to South Carolina on the 4th for training beginning on December 5th. I basically have a nice week and a half vacation before I throw myself into my new position. It’s going to be a challenge for sure but I welcome it, I like to be challenged. The office I will be working in is very nice and the building security guard isn’t creepy – bonus! I am going tomorrow to take the drug test. Easy enough since I don’t do any drugs except for my prescriptions. I’ll be sure not to take my Adderall since it could be flagged.

I sent Sir a note, but he hasn’t been able to return a response yet, but I’m not concerned. I’m sure he will before the end of my day. He was traveling between cities today, so I’m sure he doesn’t have service where he is.

I have been texting back and forth with my girls all day and my mom stopped by during her errands to congratulate me since I won’t see her until Thursday. Everyone is happy for my good news.

Got news that Thanksgiving has been pushed back to 3 so I get to sleep an extra hour. Of course my sibling tried to guilt me into helping with the “charity” work they do every Thanksgiving. No thank you. Sitting in a car for four hours with the nieces and nephews arguing between stops and the ungrateful people who are given these amazing thanksgiving meals. Not interested. I did it once and that was one too many times for me. Good for them for doing it every year, but that’s their thing. I’d rather play a charity golf tournament and have fun while raising money than sitting for four hours trapped in a car wanting to pull my hair out piece by piece.

My friend came by today, her baby was terribly grumpy today and she needed a drink. Luckily she only lives a block away so alcohol isn’t an issue. He was unruly here as well, but he liked me and gave me some million dollar smiles. She feels better and I feel better, I like having company.

I got word that I will be able to fly back from training on Thursday night so I can keep my psych appointment without issue. That’s a relief. I will also be able to keep the date of my cheese and wine party, it will just be a little crunched on time to get the cheeses and set them up. I think I will have a lot more freedom at this job than I did at the evil that was my last job. I’m looking forward to that since I was very autonomous at the job I got laid off from after 10 and a half years and we all had a lot of leeway when it came to life/work balance.

Sir texted me while I was visiting with my friend. He is having a nice time and we have plans to meet on the 2nd. I am following orders and not wearing bra and panties when I am home alone. He says it’s to remind me of his presence, but I find it hard to forget his presence.

That’s my Tuesday, I hope yours was as nice as mine.

My Journey Into BDSM: Monday Without Sir

I had a job interview this morning with three people I would be supporting in a project administrator role. I think it went well. The first woman spoke about what she did more than what I could do. The second guy just talked to me about golf the entire time. The third was a little more inquisitive and was impressed that I knew AutoCAD.

I got a call from the HR guy later this afternoon and he asked about my references. I gave him the info for one of my previous supervisors since the others weren’t allowed to say anything other than the fact that I had worked for them. She gave me a glowing review. The other three references I offered were coworkers who understood my workload and how well I handled it. I really hope this means I get the position. It would suit me very well, the office is very nice, and the drive is about seven minutes from my home. I would have Friday afternoons off so I could fit in my psych appointments and anything else I needed to do that you can’t take care of on the weekends. The hours fit my sleep schedule and my kid’s morning schedule, we wouldn’t have to shower at the same time, I could be second and the water would already be warm – bonus!

I got a text from Sir today. I think he was upset that I didn’t text him yesterday. I didn’t do anything yesterday. I don’t even remember what I did, watch, or where I was yesterday. It wasn’t a good or productive day. After today’s interview I am in a better place so I hope things work out with this company.

We texted today for a short while. There’s a major time difference so I didn’t expect too much contact in the first place. That is why I’m blogging daily instead on of on dates with Sir and Sir-ordered Wednesdays.

He pointed out that I misspoke when I apologized for the lack of BDSM in my posts. Sir has rules and tasks for me that I am to complete without argument. The ongoing one is that I use “Freddy” every night to orgasm. “Freddy” is tiny and quiet so my kid wouldn’t be able to hear it which is a good thing.

Another task I have is to learn how to make crepes. I love savory crepes but he expects me to learn how to make sweet ones as well. I really don’t like eating sweets, but I must follow orders.

He’s had other tasks for me such as an hour of naked time while my kid is at school since I’m not working. He wants me to become more comfortable naked. It’s working, I feel very comfortable in front of him naked, but still feel self-conscience alone and in front of mirrors.

This week’s task is no panties or bra while I am at home alone. I have been obeying as I should, but I don’t like it. I sleep in my bra typically, I can’t stand not having one on. But for Sir, I must.

I’m afraid when I start working we will not have as much time together even though Sir asked to increase our meetings before he left on holiday. I have to be in bed early or I will not be able to get up in the morning. I need at least nine hours of sleep, always have, I don’t know why. I’m concerned about how this will affect Sir’s and my relationship and our meetings and sessions.

That’s my Monday, I hope your Monday was nice.

My Journey Into BDSM: Saturday Without Sir

I actually had a text conversation with Sir last night around midnight that I had to reread this morning as I had already taken my sleeping pill and I am known to sleep text, sleep eat, and sleep make plans. It’s a problem, but I seemed to be coherent throughout the conversation. He is having a nice time which is good, he needed a break from all his work hours. I swear he must work 80-90 hours a week seven days a week! I don’t think I could do it. He must really love his job.

I am in a much better mood today thankfully. I actually showered for a change. In fact, I was very productive today thanks to my girlfriend and her husband. He tried to attach the bike rack to my car after it fell off on our way home from lunch. Luckily a sweet young guy saw what happened and stopped to help. He did the best he could but we couldn’t get it to fit properly. My friend’s husband then tried and was also unsuccessful. I’ll have to take it to the dealership to get them to teach me how to install and remove it. The fall scratched up my bike pretty badly, but I think it’s still okay. I told them I would go for a ride with them tomorrow if I can get both bikes into the back of the SUV. If not, I’ll clean the house. It really needs it; I miss my maid.

My Samsung TV has been flickering which is a known issue with them. I googled the fix and my friend’s husband took it apart and clipped the culprit wire and it hasn’t flickered since. I’m so pleased about that. Engineers are awesome.

After the bike fiasco we headed over to the gun range to teach my kid how to shoot and so I could learn how to use my friend’s smaller gun to see if I want to get my CCL. I would feel more comfortable having a gun with me especially in my car, people are crazy! The range was packed and had an hour wait so we decided to skip it. My friend will take me and my kid on Wednesday since there is no school that day.

Next we went to a sports and outdoor store and I went ahead and bought a gun to replace the one that was stolen from me during my renovations. I’m pleased with it, it is very much like the one I had that I was able to shoot easily and accurately. Again, I feel much safer even though I have an alarm system. Once we got home we checked and oiled the gun and made sure the spare magazines the thief left would fit. Thankfully they do so I have four magazines for those O-K Corral shootouts I plan to have. LOL.

The date has been set for my wine and cheese party to kick off the Christmas season. I’m looking forward to it. It’s really lonely since my husband died and I like having people over for fellowship and company.

That was my Saturday, again sorry for the lack of BDSM, but Sir won’t be back stateside for a while.

My Journey Into BDSM: Friday Without Sir

I am in a terrible low today. Crying off and on for no reason. One of the psychiatrists that Sir wanted me to go see because he could get me in on Monday called me this morning. Obviously I cannot hide my low; he called Sir and let him know that I was very depressed and needed help very quickly. He got all that from a four minute phone call with me. 

I am better this afternoon because I got some good news. The company I phone interviewed with yesterday called to set up an interview for Monday morning. I will be meeting with three different people. I think I would be a great match for this position and I think I would really enjoy it because it has a lot of variety. So I’m hopeful that I might have a job before December.

Sir has been able to communicate with me via Whatsapp in between flights. He made me smile which was the first time I had all day. Of course he was concerned about my low and still wishes he can help me. I plan to keep the appointment with the other psychiatrist. If I’m working by then I will just have to explain that I have a disability and that I need to adjust my schedule on certain dates to accommodate my disability. It is the law, so I don’t think it would be much of an issue. If I get this job I would only work half days on Fridays so I could set my appointments for those afternoons. I can work it out, I’m sure. I must, I can’t keep functioning like this.

I apologize for the lack of BDSM in this post, but there won’t be any until Sir returns. I am just posting so Sir can keep up with my days.