My Journey Into BDSM: Displeasing Sir, Without Sir

Today was supposed to be simple. A quick pop-in to the facility that does the drug screening for my new company and on to other things with my kid. Plans derailed. My kid and I sat together in the waiting room for two hours with nothing happening. Finally they called me and the other guy in and put us into another waiting room. We both got there at noon and it was around 2:00 at this point. There was only one person doing the drug screenings so we sat with all the Uber people who got called methodically while other guy and I sat and sat. We sat for an hour before I finally got called to offer my sample. The woman was slow. If someone spoke to her she couldn’t remember what she was doing. All I had to do was pee in a cup and blow into an alcohol thing. That should have taken five minutes not thirty! Needless to say my kid and I couldn’t make it to lunch since kid had to be at work by four. We picked up fast food instead of getting a decent lunch and kid made it to work on time. At least I got the tests done today and the results should be back in time for me to fly out for training on the 4th.

I had a long text chat with Sir this evening. He’s funny, we are in majorly different times zones so he thought I was with my family having Thanksgiving dinner. That’s not until tomorrow. He is having a good time with family and is in a nice luxury suite, I’m a little jealous. He returns to the States the evening of the 29th so we have plans to meet the 2nd since my kid is supposed to be at the dad’s house. He wants me to spend the night. We haven’t done that before. That might pose a challenge for me with my insomnia, but if I am able to stay I will stay.

Sir had an order for me that I may have mentioned. Make crepes before Thanksgiving. I don’t like crowds and the one place I did not want to be this week was the grocery store, so I didn’t make any crepes. He was very disappointed that I didn’t follow through as I was supposed to. He was actually surprised that I didn’t go out and pick up the stuff for the crepe making. I ordered the crepe cooker which came with the spreader, but not a spatula that wouldn’t scratch the non-stick surface of the cooker. He again was surprised that I didn’t just go to Sur l’Table and pick one up since it is near my house, French, and not in a mall. I didn’t even think about it, but I know I don’t want to do any shopping between now and Christmas. I did all my Christmas shopping last night online. The only things I have left to order are a few things for my kid that are on the Amazon wish list. Every year my dining room looks like an Amazon warehouse and I’m fine with that. I’m a Prime member for a reason and I get every penny out of the yearly fee.

I digressed… Sir was displeased that I hadn’t made the crepes before Thanksgiving as ordered and agreed upon. He told me that the making of the crepe wasn’t the issue but it was one of a communication issue. I agreed but I also felt very badly that I didn’t follow orders and I don’t like it when I disobey and disappoint; it makes me feel inadequate and sad. When he told me that he expected that I should have spent more effort to please him I broke down. I told him that I was sad and he said that I shouldn’t be because we are just discussing things. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t follow orders, I let Sir down, and I felt terrible. I couldn’t stop the tears. Sir didn’t want that, but I had to cry for a while. My meds tend to keep on an even keel, but I have found that I am still able to cry when I do wrong for Sir. He told me a story about one of his kids just jumping into a new challenge and succeeding. His point was that his kid had nothing in the brain to block the attempt while I have more in my brain that wires me toward failure so I have to actively choose to please Sir and make an effort to overcome my anxieties to do so. He blames my pre-filled brain for my inability to fully submit, but we are still new and he is away, so I think he is giving me a pass again. He does expect more from me in the near future. I must make strides to make sure I follow orders and make Sir happy. I was still crying at this point, I felt like such a failure. Once I washed my face and calmed down Sir changed the subject.

He wanted to know what I would wear the next time we meet. When I offered black stockings, he actually meant after I get to the room. I have a mission this week to find something pretty to wear for Sir when we meet again. I went online and looked at Agent Provocateur’s website to see what they had, knowing from living in Paris that they have very sexy stuff. I found several things I liked, but Sir did not like the prices. Apparently, $845 for a sexy body suit is too much. I will go to Saks and see what they have in the store, but I will also check other departments stores that aren’t as pricey for something.

To make up for being disobedient and sad Sir suggested I make the crepes tonight. I did, not only did I already have the ingredients in the house, it was easier than I thought it would be. I took a photo to show him and he was pleased. I plan to work with my mom on Monday evening to make chicken Alfredo crepes. I also want to try the mushroom crepe recipe in the book because the mushroom crepe I had at the creperie I went to in Dinard while on holiday was the most amazing crepe I have ever tried. I’ll also try a ham and cheese one to see if I can get my kid to try something new. If kid won’t eat crepes it’s going to be very difficult to go to Paris next Christmas without a lot of effort and cooking.

Sir asked me about Freddie and I had to admit that while using Freddie I had to break this week’s rule of no underclothes while alone because Freddie doesn’t stay in place without panties. Freddie is nice and compact, but he dies before I get to orgasm and I have to use my kitchen appliance to finish myself off. Sir was pleased I came for him even though it wasn’t just from Freddie. He plans to do something about that, I just don’t know what. It was very early in the morning for Sir and he needed sleep so this is where we left things. I had made up for my infractions, I had calmed down and wasn’t as upset about displeasing him, and I am feeling calm and ready for bed myself.

I hope your Wednesday was a little better than mine!

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4 thoughts on “My Journey Into BDSM: Displeasing Sir, Without Sir

      1. When I have a lot of things to do I let go of the anxiety, relax for a moment and continue with what I can do immediately. Sir may be disappointed but he has to respect the difficulties you are experiencing?

        Liked by 1 person

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