Monthly Archives: December 2016

SaturdayAfter Friday With Sir

I’m at my sister’s house out of town and everyone is gone doing Christmas charity things. I’ve been on these charity runs before – they take forever, none of the recipients is grateful, and you just wind up tired and unappreciated. I begged off so now I’m writing about my night with Sir.

I made another mistake. I was home, supposedly working, but there was nothing going on with my computer so I was wrapped up in TV. The news was on and I was watching intensely when I received a text from Sir. I was supposed to leave the office at four, and it was five at this point. Sir was of course concerned that I hadn’t texted. I was under the impression that he would be contacting me to tell me when and where to meet him. I was wrong. I was supposed to contact him when I was finished with work.

After many apologies, Sir forgave me for the most part and told me to meet him. I asked Sir to let me take a shower and I’d meet him when I was done. He told me to forget the shower and just meet him at the hotel, he would give me the shower. I relented and got dressed and packed an additional bag with fresh clothes and my overnight case. While I was driving towards the middle of town he texted me again. He said to meet him at the French bistro where we had dinner previously. Being two days before Christmas of course the parking lots were packed. I found a parking lot that was free just across the street from the bistro. I texted Sir. He told me to pick him up by the bistro. I started up my car again and drove across the street. I waited for a short time before I saw him across the parking lot. I pulled up next to him and he got in telling me to drive to a makeup store because he wanted to get me a Christmas present. I drove as he directed me since I didn’t know where the shop was. Not finding a parking space nearby we drove a little longer until we found one. It was only a block away so we got out and walked to the shop. Sir held my hand and led me down the sidewalks and directed me out of the way of water puddles and unevenness in the sidewalks. It was very sweet. We got into the store and it was pretty packed. Normally my anxiety would have gotten the better of me and I would have left, but with Sir by my side I was okay. Knowing he was nearby made everything okay. I was looking for my favorite perfume so I strayed away from him for a while as I checked every shelf for it. After circling the store once I didn’t find it, so Sir asked one of the sales associates. She took us right to it, it was near the very beginning of where we started our search. I was done, happy with my selection. He suggested I pick out some makeup. I found a lipstick and a liner I liked and again I was done, happy with my selection. While we were in line he offered to get something for my kid. I found a cologne that would be well received and met him back in line. It didn’t take long for them to get to us despite the length of the line.

On our way back to the car he asked if I was hungry. I said I was and we ducked into a little Italian market and restaurant. Once we were seated we perused the menu before ordering. We placed our orders and were talking quite easily back and forth. Sir asked me about the afternoon and why I didn’t contact him as I was supposed to. He of course assumed I was trying to get out of seeing him. That certainly wasn’t the case but I’m afraid he didn’t believe me that it was simply a miscommunication on my part. I sincerely thought he would contact me and tell me where to meet him knowing I would be off at four. Obviously I was wrong, and again I am so sorry that I was wrong. Especially since Sir had just spoiled me and when we got back to his car he had a book and a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me.

After dinner we went to our usual hotel. He had some work calls to make so he stayed in the parking lot while I went upstairs and took a shower, finally! Once I was clean I put on the red nightie he bought for me last week. I again forgot to bring a hairbrush, and Sir reminded me wanting to use one in play. My hair was still wet and finger-brushed as I was unpacking our tools when Sir came into the room. Surprised, I dashed into the bedroom and started to get into position, but Sir stopped me and asked me to stand up. I had been forgiven for my earlier transgression. He kissed me and asked me to undress myself, which I did.

Sir showed me how to set up the under-bed restraints then told me to get on the bed face down. While restrained he put me through my paces. It was when he was using the split leather strap that something unusual happened. The strap is made of thick leather about two inches wide and a centimeter thick that is split into four stiff strips. Sir was smacking my backside and I was fine, Sir smacked my thighs and I was fine… It was when Sir started on my back that the pain seemed searing. I called out “yellow” a couple of times but Sir didn’t hear me over the sound of the leather hitting my back. When he finally stopped I buried my face into the pillow and sobbed. I couldn’t control it and I don’t know where it came from. The pain was intense, but not so bad that it warranted sobbing, right? Once he stopped, of course the pain subsided but the sobbing continued. Sir released me from the restraints and held me until I could calm down. I was calmed by him, his words, and his caresses. I felt better and was actually confused as to why I reacted the way I did. It was an anomaly, and the sobs disappeared as quickly as they came. After I was calm I was ready to get back into it, but Sir decided that slow and sensual would be the best way to finish out the evening. So that’s how we finished it for the most part. Sir bit me several times, his bites hurt and I thought for sure they would leave marks, but they didn’t. I have bruising on one spot, but the others although I can still feel them today didn’t leave a mark. Back to the hotel, Sir teased me about being spoiled, and keeping him from his work calls, and I giggled at him. He makes me smile, laugh, and feel cherished. He even asked me to marry him, but as we all know, no girl takes a marriage proposal during sex seriously, so I waved him off with another giggle. That’s just part of our play. He says everything a girl wants to hear and makes me comfortable with him more and more each time we spend time together. Sir simply does something to me that makes me very happy inside. I like our daily chats, I like our meetings, and I like the way he treats me whether it’s as a sub, a brat, or an equal. I only hope I bring him some of the same joy he brings me. He told me that we would restart my training. I’m okay with that, I want that very much. Sir wants me to be able to get to subspace which is also what I want. Although I love our sessions, if he can take me to another dimension, as he likes to say, all the better. I’ll read the book he bought me and work on being a better sub. I’m not sure how supremely submissive I can be, but I will go in willingly and openly allowing Sir to guide me.

We stayed a lot longer than we meant to, but it was totally worth it. At least my kid was awake when I got home and I got to pass on the present that Sir bought. Kid loved it as I expected. I responded to Sir’s last text that I had made it home safely and the kid said thank you before I called it a night and went to bed.

Next week is busy for Sir so we have plans to meet for dinner on Thursday. I have a crap memory, so of course I will text him as soon as I’m done working so we can meet as early as possible. I am going out of town again next weekend so I won’t get to see Sir unless we get together on Thursday. I have no inclination to break our plans and will text him as soon as I am free.

Happy holidays!

My Apology To Sir

I’m not particularly close with my family. I have members of my family that I love dearly, I have members of my family that I am fairly close with, but besides my kid I am only close to my mother. We had a long hard road to get where we are today. I was an awful teenager. I was mean and rude to her. I was irrational, I was a total crap daughter to her from 15 to 18. When my kid was born 16 years ago my mom stepped in and took on a leading role in my kid’s life. When the kid was little it was dinner every Wednesday night. Now that my kid is older she puts money into a savings account every month, pays for voice lessons, and makes sure she sees my kid at least once a week, usually more. She’s amazing and I couldn’t ask for a better mother. I am so glad that I finally saw past my teenage years and can fully appreciate my mom for who she is and what she does for me and my kid. I love her to the moon and back.

Because my kid is going to the dad’s house tomorrow for the Christmas weekend we decided to have our Christmas today. Mom wanted to cook so she prepared a bunch of side dishes and bought a honey baked ham. I left work early (which I am not supposed to do) so that my kid could open presents before five-thirty. We opened presents and had a good time, once I started Elf on the TV my mom showed up a few minutes later. She came in, unpacked her little wagon of things, checked on how long she would need to cook each dish, then we opened more presents. After all the oohs and aahs we settled back and watched the movie. Shortly into it the side dishes were done and we moved about the kitchen plating everything waiting for her friends to show up. I picked up the living room so that all the presents were put away and out of sight. Again we settled down to chat and watch the movie. My mom’s friends showed up a short time later. After a short chat we moved into the kitchen, plated our food and sat at the table to eat. Even my kid tried a new food, which is a rare occurrence. We enjoyed the meal, had a little dessert, then sat at the table talking for a while.

Normally, I text Sir every night at eight. That’s our routine. If he is available he texts back, but if he is still working it may be a while before I hear back from him. We also have a deal whereas if I am unable to text him at our set time I send him a text saying I am occupied and will text when I am able. Tonight I didn’t do that. I completely forgot. I was so preoccupied with presents and my mom and her friends I couldn’t think of anything outside of my living room. 

Sir was of course hurt by my actions, as he well should have been. I am supposed to be a diligent and giving sub, but I forgot about him. That is completely unforgivable. I don’t know how I am supposed to make it up to him or prove to him that he is in my mind for the better part of my days. My Sir is very important to me, his feelings are very important to me, our relationship is very important to me, but I managed to cuck it all up in a single day. My only explanation is that I was preoccupied with other holiday things. Is that enough to be forgiven for forgetting my Sir? I am not sure it is, but I hope he proves to continue to be the kind and understanding Dom that he is. He should be on my mind even when other things are going on in my world. He is normally, I just don’t know what happened tonight. I am terribly sorry I neglected my Sir and my duties to my Sir. Hopefully Sir can see past my transgression and forgive me pretty quickly. I feel awful about what I did, and I know Sir felt slighted by my lack of communication. I never want to disappoint Sir and it breaks my heart when I do. I have nothing but respect and admiration for Sir, but I made a huge mistake tonight and I am truly sorry. My biggest wish this evening is that Sir can accept my apology and forgive me for this digression. We have just gotten to a level of understanding and acceptance that I have no wish to interrupt. Tomorrow we will meet for dinner and I hope beyond hope that he has forgiven me and accepted my apology so we can have an enjoyable evening without worrying about this.

Sir gave me one directive this week. He has asked me about it twice and twice I have been distracted forgetting to do as I was told. Today I remember what I was told to do and I have successfully started dilation. I have a three sized system and size one is in and comfortable. Sir should be pleased I hope.

My Journey Into BDSM: Without and With Sir

Last week was almost the end of my relationship with Sir. Because of our conflicting schedules and our recent travels we haven’t seen each other in quite some time.

I received an email from Sir basically telling me that he no longer felt like I was his sub and that I was intentionally trying to avoid him. He didn’t like my behavior and suggested I had even been hostile towards him a few times like when he sent me flowers upon my return from training out of state. I wasn’t aware that I was hostile or even came across that way and I was stymied that he felt that way; it made me feel very badly because I wouldn’t ever be hostile towards anyone showing me kindness, appreciation, or exactly what I’ve asked of them. Although earlier in the week he gave me an ultimatum saying that we had to meet on Friday, I had to spent the night, and I had to abide by his wishes until the end of the year because we would be limited with our contact because of the holidays. I had agreed to his terms and had every intention of following through, but his email came the Thursday before we were supposed to meet. He told me that basically he had been giving me the benefit of the doubt for a while because of all the crap going on in my life but he could no longer put up with how I was behaving towards him, he said, “I am giving you what you want and letting you go.” I wasn’t surprised, but I was upset. I hadn’t been available to Sir as required and I had broken our plans to meet on more than one occasion, but the last thing I wanted was to be let go. He also felt like I hadn’t given myself to him fully, I trusted him with my body but not my head. I read and reread his email several times before I penned my response.

I addressed his concerns in my response. Most importantly that I didn’t want to be let go and that I did trust him with my mind explaining how he knew the issues in my head and even found a psychiatrist for me to see to work on getting new meds for me so I would feel better. He read my response after I had already gone to bed and texted me to contact him after my psych appointment on Friday. I texted him while I was waiting because the waiting room was full again when I arrived so I assumed it would be another hour and a half wait and I was desperate to hear from him to see if I was still “let go”. He didn’t respond which was fine because the wait wasn’t nearly as long as I expected, but he was on my mind the entire time I was talking with the psych and telling him about how I was doing on the new meds he had prescribed.

When I got home I texted Sir again. He said we needed to talk in person and work things out. He wasn’t interested in controlling 100% of my life like I thought, but we needed to work out what our relationship was. If I was still interested I was to meet him at the same hotel where we had been before at seven. Of course I was still interested and I was very relieved and happy that he still wanted to meet with me. I wasn’t sure if we were meeting just to talk or if we were going to have a session so I asked if I should bring my bag or not. He said to bring it and I felt a bit more relieved. I showered taking special care to shave really well and clean up fully. Satisfied, I put on one of the baby-dolls I bought for him before I put my clothes on over it. As I was about to leave the house Sir texted me back asking me to bring lotion and water. I was already planning on stopping on my way to get a diet soda, I had been up since 4 that morning and needed the caffeine.

I arrived at the hotel and texted him that I was in the parking lot. He had instructed me to text him when I arrived and he would bring me the parking permit from the front desk and help me with my bag. I texted as instructed and waited. Sir came across the parking lot and walked to my side of the car. I opened my door and rolled my window down not knowing what he wanted me to do. I decided to get out of the car and we hugged. It felt good to be embraced by him again. Not just good, but relieving. He walked around the car and I moved everything from the front passenger seat to the back seat and he got in suggesting we go to a nearby walking plaza to get some dinner. When I found a parking spot he said that he couldn’t figure out what to get for me while he was traveling so he thought we would just walk around and when I found something I wanted he would buy it for me. I had no idea what I wanted, I never know what to select when someone does that so we walked. As we worked our way around one of the buildings I saw a lingerie shop that I liked. I pulled him inside after a little protest from him and spoke to the sales girl. Sir stood by the door while she showed me pretty nightgowns. I usually sleep in pj pants and a t-shirt or tank top and I wanted a pretty nightgown for a change. When I found the one I liked I got his attention and followed him up to the register. Afterwards we went to a French bistro for dinner. We talked and ate then headed back to the hotel. I dropped him off at the front to check in and get the parking permit while I found a parking spot. He met me at the car and I hung the tag before I handed him my bag to carry upstairs. After a key glitch we got into the room.

Sir asked me about the baby-dolls and I told him that I was wearing one of them. That’s when he began to undress me. I stood there in my baby-doll and panties and he smiled which made me happy. Then he led me to the full-length mirror and made me watch as he removed the rest of my clothes. I don’t like watching or even looking at myself, but I watched as instructed. Once I was undressed fully and he was done showing me myself in the mirror he led me to the bed and told me to lay down. Sir went through the toys in my bag and addressed me with them. The nipple clamps are always painful, but this time they seemed more painful and he removed them shortly after putting them on. They aren’t my favorite toy and they never have been. The other implements weren’t as bad. Although I was very vocal about the pain I was feeling I wasn’t to my limit. I was no where near my safe word but Sir seemed to take it easy on me. One of his favorites “the bruiser” stung my backside. He tried both sides asking me how they felt, I was honest and told him that they stung equally as badly. He was perplexed but stopped. I didn’t ask him to, but he must have felt like I wanted him to so he stopped. There were a few other implements that he was using on my back, bottom, and thighs that he used with no objection from me, but I was still vocal about the swats. There was pain, I addressed the pain. I didn’t say I wanted the pain to stop, but I was very aware of the pain. After going though several of the implements he had me stand up for punishment. He brought me back to the mirror and I watched as he caned my hand for using a bad word during one of our texting sessions. Back on the bed he caned my feet for another infraction that I had perpetrated. He actually broke the cane which I found funny. When he was done punishing me he asked me if I knew why I was being punished and I responded that I did and told him why I thought I was being punished. Sir joined me on the bed and held me for a while. We embraced and I felt comfortable. I now feel comfortable with all aspects of our relationship and all points of our sessions. Sir asked if I was tired and I agreed that I was so he got up leaving me on the bed warning me not to fall asleep. He went through the bag again and found the pink plastic strapping tape. He pulled me to my feet and proceeded to wrap me in the tape. Sir made a kinky dress-like wrap around me starting with securing my hands behind my back, followed by him wrapping it around me several times at the waist, around my chest making sure it was secure around my breasts but they remained free, then he wrapped it down my legs basically making me immobile while I stood before him. Again I was led (hopping) to the full-length mirror to look. I looked, I didn’t like looking at myself, but I looked. The pink tape was wrapped all around me, around my breasts, and cutting into my crotch. Sir liked it I could tell, so I was pleased. Once he cut me out of the straps he led me back to the bed. We hugged and talked. I was more talkative than I normally am, I’m not really sure why I was, but we talked. Since my kid hadn’t gone to the dad’s house as expected I had to be home soon and I reminded him. He asked me to make myself come once more so I started, but I was honestly too tired. Sir accused me of being manipulating, I wasn’t trying to be manipulative and I argued a bit. I don’t like being called or being assumed that I’m a liar. I am a terrible liar and will always be found out, I simply can’t lie. After we got dressed and left the room he said he would follow me home to make sure I was fine. When I arrived at my house I pulled into the garage and turned off my car, I went out to say goodbye but Sir was already gone. Sadly I went into the house.

I’ve received another email from Sir today which worries me. We text, only long explanations come through via email. On Saturday night at eight, as I am supposed to do, I texted Sir. It wasn’t much, just a check in, but I didn’t receive a reply. Knowing he was with his kids I wasn’t concerned figuring that he would respond when he had the chance. He did respond on Sunday afternoon and told me that he was taking his kids to the movies. That was fine as well, I have no objections to anyone spending time with their kids. As I am instructed to do I texted him at eight Sunday night to check in. I told him how productive I had been that day and he asked about my kid. I told him kid had gotten back at five. He responded that he might take his kids to a winter celebration out of town. We chatted about that for a bit then I told him it was my bed time and that was the end of our conversation.

So to Sir’s email; our last text was Sunday evening. I don’t typically hear from him via text outside of our eight o’clock conversations unless he has a lull in his day and happens to be thinking about me. In his email this Monday afternoon, he told me that he will be out of town and may not be able to receive texts, but he wanted me to write in my blog (which I am doing) because he can see farther into my soul when he reads it. I guess I am more transparent when I write as opposed to when I speak. I don’t doubt that at all, I am quite reserved and quiet typically. Sir wrote that he felt like I was more relaxed during our session, but less submissive. He also felt like I accepted him more as a friend which he thought was new. He thinks that because I am no longer in my deep low I felt the pain more strongly and couldn’t tolerate it as well as before and that I wanted more hugs than pain. That was complete news to me. Although I enjoy the hugs and I admit I was more vocal and I did feel the pain, I never asked Sir to stop. The pain hit me as Sir hit me, but as soon as he stopped the pain subsided. He mentioned during our session that he saw the starts of bruises and stopped certain activities because of it. Because of a platelet disorder I bruise easily, they never really hurt, I don’t mind them at all. I’ve never asked him not to mark me, I’ve only asked that he not mark me anywhere that can’t be covered with clothes. I actually like the marks, it reminds me of our time together and it makes me think of Sir and smile. I know he hits me, then he cherishes me. I love both parts of our processes in our relationship. Yes, I am less depressed and in a better mood so maybe the pain was more intense but I never told him to stop. He’s in charge and I expect that from Sir. What he says, what he wants, what he does is up to him and how he wants our sessions to go. I’m completely okay with that. Unfortunately I think that we are on the brink of another “letting go” because Sir thinks I suddenly want something different from our relationship than we originally agreed upon. I am still the same girl who sat in the car next to him and went through the contract point by point agreeing to most of what we discussed. It seems like Sir is questioning that and it concerns me. I sought him out for a specific reason, to be dominated; nothing has changed. Sir should still feel like he is in charge and completely in control, that’s how I feel. Maybe the goal of our relationship has deviated, but in essence, I still want a Dom to take charge as I wanted in the beginning. I may push back on Sir, but I expect him to push back on me and keep charge of the situation. I don’t mean to push, it’s ingrained – it’s hard to rewire your brain after so many years on this earth in one set of mind. Sir may not be able to change the way I think, but he is always in control. I’m not sure exactly how I am displeasing him, but I know I am. Wanting a Dom and being dominated doesn’t seem to be enough for Sir lately and I don’t know how to convey that I am pleased with the status quo and accept him as my Dom.

I guess I just wait until Sir has time to see or speak with me and we will re-evaluate once again. I sincerely hope I am not let go, but if that is Sir’s wish it shall be unhappily granted.

Friday Without Sir, Part One & Part Two

Before I accepted my new position I had already planned a wine and cheese party for this evening. I decided to have the party because my kid would be with the dad for actual Christmas. I wanted to make sure that my Christmas decorations were appreciated by more than just me and my kid. When I first told Sir of my plan he mentioned in passing that he would stop by. I was perplexed by his offer since I am a drinker and I smoke when I drink. Sir does neither. The fact that he does neither made me think that he wouldn’t enjoy spending time with my friends as we are all like-minded. All of my friends drink, not all of them smoke, but none of them mind that many of us smoke. I don’t typically smoke, but when I drink I really enjoy a cigarette or six.

Today was my first day at my new job in my local office. South Carolina was lovely, but I won’t be there very often at all. I love my new cube, I have large windows nearby, the technology is up to date, and I have two giant screens that are being delivered on Monday. I was very busy today and I met with the person who is basically in charge of the office. He took me down to meet the building management people so they knew I was the new point of contact then he and I had a private conversation about the office and what happens within it. He said he didn’t want to put me in such a situation but that if he actually knew what the employees knew and thought it would go a long way to keep morale up and maintain the talent. They had a previous problem with losing one or two people each month for a while. It seems to have leveled out and the current employees appear to be happy and content. I was busy this morning and I will be busy on Monday as well. Although I had to leave early today, I logged on this afternoon to make sure the documents I was expecting from a client came through. They did and all seems well.

I went to the psychiatrist today. I entered the waiting room which was basically full. Almost every seat in the twenty seat room was taken. I approached the window, spoke to the attendant, got the forms to fill out and took a seat. Shortly after I took a seat in a short row of empty seats the office door opened and a woman brought out two men telling one to sit down and behave while telling the other one to watch him. That sparked my instincts. As I filled in my paperwork I was very aware of the man on my right that kept rocking and shaking his hands.

It’s late, I’m tired. I’ll finish tomorrow if I can.

The party went well, it was nice to get together with so many friends and just enjoy the night. Three friends I haven’t seen in over a year or two showed up which was really lovely, we were able to catch up and everyone seemed to have a good time. My college roommate came into town and is staying until Sunday. I adore her and I’m always happy to hang out with her.

It’s Saturday now, and my friend and I did absolutely nothing today. We watched the entire series of The IT Crowd and read as we did it. The house is in shambles! Well, the dining room and the kitchen are, the rest is still clean from the maid’s visit on Thursday. I did zero clean up today. There are trays of cheese, meats, and dips all over the dining room table and there are about fifteen wine glasses that need to be washed by hand all over the kitchen counters. My friend and I were supposed to meet Sir for dinner tonight, but we were too tired to get motivated and leave the house so I once again cancelled on Sir. Thankfully he didn’t seem too upset, but I’m sure he was disappointed with me.

I have orders for tomorrow. I am to be up, showered, and have my coffee before texting Sir at precisely 11 o’clock. Then I am to clean the house. I can do all of that, but I hope I am up early enough to be able to text Sir at 11. My friend gets up early and the sound of her moving around usually wakes me. I think I’ll be okay and able to fulfill my orders.

So that’s the end of this entry. Not much happened today obviously so there is very little to write about. 

My Journey Into BDSM: Friday With Sir, Without Sir

Well our plans to meet tonight were derailed by a stress fracture my kid sustained during gym class. We spent the afternoon in the ER and now kid is in a boot for the next few weeks. Poor kid.

I was all ready for Sir. After meeting my mom for lunch, I had a manicure and pedicure, then a Brazilian wax. I was all smooth and looking forward to it. Plus I have my new set from Agent Provacateur and a couple of baby-dolls I wanted to show him. I’m not sure when I will get to see him next. That’s disappointing, but my kid comes first. 

I have to pack and finish making sure the house is put together, and put all the trash out into the bins so Mom can put them out on Sunday. We are expecting really bad weather this weekend so I’m concerned about missing my connection in Charlotte on my way to Greenville. Hopefully the originating plane will get off on time and I won’t have to worry. I think the weather on the way back will just be cold and not rainy.

Maybe I will get to see Sir next Saturday. I have no idea what his schedule is next week. Although I get back on Thursday night I have the party to deal with on Friday night. Saturday would be the only time I would be able to see him.

I’m watching Leap Year for the eighteenth time, Sir refers to my bag as Louis as the Irish guy did in the movie. It makes me laugh so I had to watch it again. Yay Netflix!

I am very disappointed about not seeing Sir tonight. I’m not sure how to describe my feelings. We had such a nice chat last night and I was looking forward to tonight. Maybe the extended wait will make it all the better. At least I hope so. Thankfully Sir was very understanding and I didn’t get in trouble for breaking our plans. Obviously I have to be here for my kid. He has a kid, he understands.

My only order at the moment is to write an essay on alcohol and it’s effects on the body. I’m aware of the effects, but I am reluctant to write the article. I will see how this week without any alcohol goes and decide then if I feel like I need to write the essay. I want to please him, but I feel like that request is redundant since I plan to curtail my drinking immensely. 

My girlfriend thought the cheese and wine party was tonight, so she showed up with a couple of bottles of wine. We had a really good chat and she stayed late as she always does. She plans to come back next Friday to attend the actual party. We had a good time, and I’m happy she came over it took my mind off missing out on seeing Sir. I need to go to bed.
I tried again to finish off the Brazilian that I paid for today. That woman missed so many hairs! Sir didn’t want me to continue, but I felt I must. Crazy hairs around the vagina are not welcomed!

Anyway, I miss Sir. I look forward to the next time we finally get to meet.

My Journey Into BDSM: Thursday Without Sir

I am no longer numb regarding my feelings towards Sir. I was criticized and chastised like a little kid. I didn’t go into this looking for a father. I’m not one of those Big/little people, I simply wanted some structure and pain to feel release. We texted and I felt relieved after our conversations. The only thing that bothers me is the “your wrong” comments he made yesterday.
He told me I was wrong for a few reasons:

*For saying “dammit” when I started tearing up

*Wrong for being angry (which I wasn’t)

*Wrong to assume he was asking me to stop drinking (why send me the article and ask me to write a paper on the affects of alcohol on women/bodies)

*Wrong to not let him teach me things
I cuss yes, but dammit is so benign it’s even said on daytime television. I wasn’t angry, I was hurt. I felt judged and scolded. If he wasn’t asking me to quit drinking then why the lecture even if it was in written form? Wrong to not let him teach me things? I know the affects of alcohol on the body and mind and I know it’s far worse for women than it is for men. I am about to start a new job and I won’t be drinking during the week like I have been while on this hiatus from work. I don’t need to be taught about alcohol. I will go back to being a social drinker on the weekends when I am with friends. Of course I will abstain on the days/nights I meet Sir. I’m ready to heal and I know I don’t need to drink every day anymore. I am in a much better place now and I am looking forward to getting new meds and meeting with my therapist. I know Sir is looking forward to that as well. We are okay, and he is willing to deal with my escentricities so we can move forward with our relationship. He made blog post shortly after we started seeing each other and I hold that near to my heart. Sir said some very nice things about me, I’m not used to getting compliments, and he is always there to lift me up when I don’t feel my best. I don’t know why I doubted him and us.
I’ve been holed up in the house all day today. I have gotten some things done so I can be ready for my trip. I pulled the suitcase out of the attic since it will be quite cold while I am in SC and I will need to pack bulky clothes. After I did that, I make myself a drink. I’m still on hiatus, so I will drink when I want for now. Tomorrow I meet with Sir and I will not be drinking. I don’t need to be numb when I’m with him, I need to feel every touch, swat, and kiss.
Sir certainly didn’t sign up for the tornado that is me, and I completely understand. I know we can work this out, but I may need to work on myself for a while before we can. I’ll see the psych next Friday to see what we can do about my meds, then the following week I will see the therapist to start talking about my issues. Maybe then I can be the diligent sub he deserves.
UPDATE:
Holy crap I am seriously a drama queen. I want to work through my issues and be a better sub. That’s my plan. I had a very nice conversation with Sir via text and we will still meet tomorrow for dinner and a session. Of course I will post what goes on since this is supposed to be a blog about my journey into BDSM instead of a journey into my crazy mind. So stay tuned, I’ll be sober so I will remember all the details!

My Journey Into BDSM: Wednesday Without Sir

Well today was not all that productive. My kid is sick and the SO came over to play nurse at 10:30. I was of course asleep, but I got up when I heard the code being punched into the front door. I thought it was my kid knowing the sickness was in the air and thought kid came home from school early. When kid didn’t respond to me calling out, I got up. Okay, I’m up, coffee time.

My lunch plans for today have been changed to dinner plans for tomorrow. He has a lot going on right now so today wasn’t great. At least I get to see his girlfriend again since we are going to dinner.

The doctor called to verify my Adderall prescription. I had to take photos of the prescription label and email it. He asked about all my meds so luckily I had all of them written down along with the milligrams for each.

I finally got word around one o’clock that I was cleared and able to start work this weekend! I am officially a Project Administrator and Office Manager of the local office. They made my travel arrangements, obviously going for the cheaper flights on American instead of the direct flights on United. I have a layover in both directions. Another girl will be starting in the same office as me and will be traveling and training at the same time as me. At least I’ll have another newbie to chat with and go through all of this with. I think that’s a bonus. We’re staying at a Holiday Inn Express, free breakfast! Yay!

I have a lot to do in the next few days to make sure the house is ready for the maid to come while I’m gone and for the party that’s happening the day after I get back. I’m not really sure where to start. My girlfriend and I are going to the shooting range tomorrow around two so that will cut into my day a bit. I need to buy more hangers for the new clothes I ordered for work. I need to pick up all the crap that hasn’t been put away in the past week. Then I’m meeting my friend for dinner. It’ll be a busy day, I should try to get up early and take my Adderall so I’m motivated and moving before one in the afternoon.

I haven’t heard from Sir today, but I didn’t expect to, I’m sure he has thrown himself back into work without a moment’s break. He got in last night and texted me that he landed safely. We had a quick chat and that was it. We still have plans to meet Friday, but now I’m sure I can’t spend the night since I have to pack and tie up loose ends to be at the airport early on Sunday. Saturday will be my last day to sleep in late and I relish my sleep when I get it. I’m sure we will chat later this evening, so I’m not concerned.

That was my great day, I hope you had a great day, too!

UPDATE: Of course Sir is at work but we are texting. I’m very happy he is home. We will still meet Friday, but he insists I spend the night. I warned him that I had to take my sleeping pill, but he was not deterred. Hopefully it will put me to sleep pretty quickly instead of allow me to have conversations and agree to things outside of my realm while I’m in the wake/sleep state. LOL.

UPDATE TWO:  Well, crud. I was having a great day until Sir and I finished texting. He said he wasn’t lecturing me on my drinking, but he sent me a long article about alcohol and it’s affects on men and women. I don’t need a lecture, I know that my drinking is a problem. I will be away for a week an not drinking the entire time. I am drinking now because I enjoy it and I am basically on vacation. He thinks I am angry with him for lecturing me but he doesn’t think that sending that article was lecturing nor did he think that he was criticizing my drinking. I’m not angry,  I’m bruised. I hated being lectured by my dad and it always made me feel like crap, so now I’m in tears after Sir’s text. I can’t respond, I have nothing to say. I have no idea how to overcome this now. I guess I’ll just take a Lunesta and go to bed.