(Not So) Dull Wednesday

So I warned you with the title. Not a lot happened today and I won’t chat with Sir for another thirty minutes. I was on time to work, good for me! I read a lot while I waited for a couple of reports to come my way. When one finally did I got to it right away. Then I was told the client wanted a hard-copy of the report. I started printing… Three hours later I finally had the report printed, holes punched, and had it in order in a binder. Tomorrow comes the tedious part. There are over 250 11×17 pages that need to be tri-folded. I started on it today, but it will take a while to get through tomorrow.
So there you go. Not much going on in my day. Now I shall wait until I can chat with Sir.
But wait, there’s more:

So here is a new development… When I first started seeing Sir he told me that he didn’t want me talking to any men where kink was involved. I agreed to that, and I’m fine with that. I don’t want anyone else, I don’t think I have the motivation or even the stamina to have more than one Sir. Besides, I like my Sir very much. 

After my husband died I got onto a website looking to fill the BDSM void that was left. I didn’t want a normal relationship, I was still grieving; what I wanted was a release, an escape from reality, a proper Dom. So I met this guy online who lives in a nearby state that is only a couple of hours away. We started chatting on the website then moved to texting. There was a little sexting going on at first, and I thought I found a compatible companion for my kink until I actually met him. 

I went to meet him in his town which has a casino. I stayed at the casino hotel. We met the first night and had a meal before we went to the casino to gamble and basically went our separate ways. He was large and awkward, not at all the Dom I was hoping for or expecting. I persevered. The second night he met me at my hotel room (I had not only gifted him a length of glow in the dark rope because he likes the binding aspect the most, I also answered the door in just a towel. It wasn’t meant to be an enticement, I just hadn’t finished getting ready). I had given him a keycard, but he chose to knock – gentlemanly. When I opened the door in my towel he actually took a step back completely flummoxed at the fact that I was standing there in a towel. I encouraged him to come in and told him I would only be a few minutes more. I dried my hair and got dressed in the bathroom (door closed) while he stared out the window. When I was ready he pointed to a yacht in the marina and motioned for me to come look at it. He was right next to the window so I stood slightly behind him to see this boat. He made a comment about how far away I was standing and asked if I was scared. I wasn’t and moved forward to prove it. I saw the boat, I wasn’t that impressed, and I returned to the center of the room to pack up my things for the evening. We left the room, ate, then went to gamble again. Not a thing happened physically between us, not even a handshake.

We kept texting despite his inability to take action when it was presented to him. After that weekend I formed a few opinions about him. Firstly, I felt like he had zero experience with women face to face and might actually be a fifty-something year old virgin. Secondly, I thought he was a big oaf who couldn’t follow through on his texted words. Thirdly, I knew nothing would ever happen between us. However, we kept texting. When the texting got around to “what are you wearing” I humored him, when it got sexual I steered clear changing the subject. Once I met Sir I told the guy that I could no longer talk to him about kink, but I thought that we had become friends and were beyond getting together as a D/s relationship. His response was that he should have taken the chance when he had it. Lesson learned, I guess.

I hadn’t spoken to him in a couple of weeks so I sent a “hiya” text to see how he was doing. We chatted back and forth for a while until he said he is no longer looking for a sub and just going to work and going home alone afterwards. From what I can tell, he only has friends in the town where he grew up, none in his current town where he lives in his sister’s garage apartment. The conversation turned towards the fact that we both stay at home with nothing to do. I remarked that I only go out when I am forced to, and his response was “So you were forced to go out to eat last night?” Of course I was, I had to please Sir. If I hadn’t, as I explained, I would have been punished or worse – let go. Then he made a snide comment about how it sounded like “an interesting relationship” and basically if I was happy “more power to you”. When I tried to lighten the conversation commenting that he wasn’t into the whole controlling aspect of the D/s relationship he responded that it sounded like a slave situation I disagreed and said that a slave has no say and a sub has safe words.

Suffice it to say he responded very curtly and I believe we are now no longer friends. That will please Sir, one less male in my life although this one certainly was never a threat. I do have male friends and I chat with them often, but none of them are a threat to mine and Sir’s relationship. I am here for Sir, my guy friends are simply that, friends. Because I sequester myself in my home, it’s nice to have some friends to chat with while I am sequestered. Sometimes it inspires me to get out of the house.

Sir and I just finished an intense chat about my lack of obedience last night. I told him that I feel like a failure and a disappointment, but luckily he still sees potential in me as a sub. I don’t like displeasing him and I’ve had to wipe away several tears this evening, but it’s a new chapter – page turned.

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