Five positives, first:
- I was early to work, that’s two weeks straight now if anyone is counting. I’m sure the boss people are.
- I did a report all by myself including all the exports.
- I am seeing Sir tonight to start our weekend getaway.
- I know we will dine some where delicious.
- I have a therapy session today. I usually feel pretty good after those sessions.
Today is the day I meet Sir for our weekend together. I’ve never spent the night with him, in fact I haven’t slept in the same bed as someone else since my husband died almost two years ago. Tomorrow would have been our 11th wedding anniversary. <sad face>
I actually packed for the weekend last night. Now I am second guessing what I packed. I’ll have to go through it when I get home from work. I know I need to go through the toy bag, it’s way to full and we don’t use a lot of stuff that is in it. There probably isn’t enough time to do that before I need to leave for therapy. I’m still a little nervous about spending the whole weekend together. That’s a long time. I know I keep writing about it, but I’m really concerned. Sir tells me to relax and enjoy it, easier said than done. I’m sure I’ll be fine once I get there, I always have an anti-anxiety med if I need it.
So that’s it so far. I’ll write about the weekend when I am able.
UPDATE: Friday afternoon
Two upsetting things happened. I had a very teary therapy session because of things that are stuck in my head, I cried for the whole hour. Second, I talked to her about the fact that tomorrow would have been my 11th anniversary with my late husband. More tears. Obviously I’m not in the most up of moods. We will not be having a session tonight. I feel like such a disappointment which makes my mood and worthlessness even stronger. Maybe spending some time with Sir over the next two days will get me into the right state of mind. There are apparently some events going on at the hotel. Tons of kids, teens running around, and separately, adults wearing name-tags drinking champagne in the lobby. The suite seems quite enough. No construction, neighbors are fairly far away, but the ice machine is next door. It sits behind our walk-in closet in the sitting room so hopefully we won’t hear it.
Sir offered to postpone our weekend, but I am already at the hotel so I declined his offer. The description of the Corner King Room indcluded “sitting area”. This hotel considers one chair a seating area. I called down to ask for a suite since Sir will wake early and try to get some work done without waking me. They said they didn’t have one for us. So I settled down and turned on the TV to listen to while I updated my blog. Five minutes later the front desk manager called me back and gave me a suite another guest gave up. It even has a doorbell! I feel like Holly Golightly, lol. I wish I had her swan-like neck.
Sir will arrive whenever he gets all his loose ends tied up. I’m not concerned, I like to eat late anyway. I’m kind of leaning towards room service, but he has selected a steak house that’s not all that close. Either way, it will be good.
More later or tomorrow.
Sir arrived and all my anxiety disappeared. He hugged me nice and tight for a good while, the tightness that encompasses my ribcage released, his hand on my face made the concerned look melt away, being held by his strong arms made me feel safe and content again. I don’t know why I have such anxiety before I am supposed to meet him, he always proves it wrong. I was right that I wasn’t ready for a session tonight. We went out to dinner at the steak house. It was very good and he only made a joking comment telling me to eat more, but it was a joke. One of my concerns this weekend was that he would see what, how, when, and how little I eat. He promised it wasn’t a big deal. Tonight showed me it wasn’t a big deal, I probably only ate 1/3rd on my plate and he just made a joke. Was it a jokey-joke or was it a there’s truth behind that joke? Either way, I had a good meal and I feel comfortable.
We are going to watch Manchester By The Sea in a short while, I brought my Amazon Fire TV with me so we didn’t have to pay the ridiculous hotel prices for movies this weekend. All I know about it is that it has been nominated for a bunch of pointless awards. Ooh, you can pretend to be someone really well! Here’s a trophy. Stupid. Awards shows for celebrities annoy and bother me. Please don’t hate me for saying that, I just don’t understand the purpose. If someone does their job well, give them a raise, we don’t need to see them all gathered around salivating over a $20 statue. So we’re going to watch this moving as soon as he’s done working. He only has a little bit to do then we will get to it.
Okay, seriously, that’s all for tonight. I’m well tired and I want to see this movie before I fall asleep.