I am too tired to share today, my apologies.
- I got to spend the day with Kid and Mom.
- I had chicken-fried steak for the first time in years (and last for years).
- The campus was gorgeous, the amenities amazing!
- It takes less than a quarter of a tank of gas to get there.
- Jammie Time!
We all loved the school and the amenities they offer, but Kid may be leaning towards another major now. That’s okay Kid has plenty of time to figure it out. Transferring colleges isn’t that big of a deal as long as the receiving school takes all your credits. So one down, three to go. It will be a busy April and May.
One of the conversations when we were just a block from home:
Me (yelling at Mercedes lady): You moron! ‘Oh, excuse me, I’m a moron will you please let me in so I can continue to be stupid?’ Get out of the way! <honk>
Mom: She has no value. You give her value by getting riled up by her.
Kid: Yeah! Is she going to be at your funeral?
Me: You don’t understand. She’s BREEDING!
I couldn’t do today’s drive very often because I hate the highway on that side of the city. Too many big trucks, nothing to look at, and idiot redneck drivers who don’t get out of the left lane. It was really frustrating. No, giant truck on my rear bumper, I can’t go any faster because of this moron in front of me! UGH! I’m so glad I am just going to work tomorrow seven minutes away – very little time to get agitated.
I found out today that my antidepressant is an SNRI which is the same as a drug I got off of because it gave me wonky head. Yes it works great but it’s like I turn my head then a second later my brain follows. It’s like there is this knit cap on my brain at all times, it’s just fuzzy. I don’t like this feeling at all. I have an appointment with the psych tomorrow so I will discuss it with him and see what he says. I don’t think there is much I can do except choose between major depression or wonky head. That’s not a good selection. I don’t want to get serotonin syndrome, that’s dire.
The cold is waning, thankfully. I do have the dreaded cough which is non-productive and gives me a headache. A few more days and it will be down to just a few times an hour instead of several times every quarter hour. Nothing I have taken has helped, I’ve been getting the dreaded cough since I was a child. Sibling used to come into my room from down the hall to wake me up and pour NiQuil down my throat. The only reason I didn’t keep my parents up was because they slept upstairs and on the other side of the house.
Okay, I’m obviously agitated today because of the cough and the traffic. I’m signing off, thanks for letting me vent.
I am still sick. That is all.
I am ready to write some positives again:
- Even though the cold moved into my sinuses, it isn’t as bad as usual so I think (hope) my plans for the week will stay intact.
- Pigeon has his own Instagram account and is on his way to being an internet super star (lol).
- Kid didn’t get sick this weekend.
- Kid gets to sleep in for the rest of the week because of statewide testing, normal school starts at 1:00. Personally, I think it’s silly to go to school for two hours, but at least this way they get out in May instead of June.
- Sir is back to being kind and caring.
Kid finished a physics project with two friends from class. I’m so proud of them, they built a little home with three rooms that has flooring, wallpaper, and furniture. Each room has it’s own light that works on an independent circuit (that’s the physics part). They did great and they get to sleep in late today!
Sir and I chatted for a little while last night, he was back to the Sir I am used to. He doesn’t like to punish me because a severe punishment could crack a relationship, but sometimes it’s necessary. I can understand that, and I agree that sometimes it is necessary, I just think the silent treatment is too harsh. I’d much rather have a bloody whelp than no contact (I think. It’s never gone that far before). I got a little feisty with him at first, but I settled down as we went along. Before we signed off, he asked me to text him this morning so he knew how I was doing. I did as was asked of me and let him know that even though the cold is now in my nose, I made it to work and I don’t think it will be that bad. (At least, I’m hoping it won’t.)
Sir has a book he wants me to read – it’s called Mindset (Update: I’m halfway through it). I read the free downloaded sample, and I think that I already have somewhat of a growth mindset in that I am always open to learning, I love learning, I know I can grow, growing is essential to life, and although I am intelligent and creative, I can always expand on my talents. But I also have a fixed mindset where I sometimes let little setbacks affect my mood and progress. The book is an easy read if not somewhat boring, but I will give it a shot since Sir wants me to read it. I’ve already learned that my Intelligent Mindset is a growth one and my Personality Mindset is a fixed one. Plus reading will give me something to do while Kid, Mom, and I go university looking this weekend. At the hotel on Sunday night, Mom will be reading and Kid will be on the phone texting, so I will need something to entertain myself for sure. Pigeon won’t be around to do it!
I only have one meeting today and it isn’t until 2 this afternoon. I hate early morning meetings, it’s hard for me to concentrate when the only thing on my mind is coffee. My girlfriend from this past weekend doesn’t like burned coffee so as soon as a pot brews, she turns off the burner. I went in to get myself a cup with no warning of her habit and sipped on a tepid concoction. I like iced coffee a lot, but when you are expecting hot coffee and get cold, yuck! Then a fly landed in it and I decided I was done with the coffee, too much of a hassle after just waking up.
My desk is finally stocked up on cold necessities. Daytime cold meds, lip balm, nasal spray, and most importantly, Puffs Plus with lotion. I can’t have a cold without these things. I’m surprised I made it to work again. I hope today is the worst of it, but I know the Dreaded Cough will linger for three weeks. That’s so annoying.
One of the managers in my office is so full of himself, it’s really quite comical. He yarns tales of his prowess on the golf course, the cricket pitch, and the soccer field. He makes sure it’s clear that he is an exceptional sportsman. When I take a break I get annoyed when he is there because I know I won’t get to just relax and play with my phone, I’ll have to hear about his accomplishments and pretend that I’m impressed.
My new boss is growth oriented which is great, she fully believes in learning and growing into larger things. She plans to push us into new opportunities to further our careers within the company. I think that’s promising, I was really afraid of her to start with, but she has so far been really good. Maybe her military background is a bonus not a curse.
It strikes me that some of you who come here to read about an actual journey through BDSM may wonder why I write about the mundane everyday things that I go through. The reason is actually two-fold. The first being so Sir knows what I’ve been up to, how I’m feeling, and that I am committed to him. The second is to show the mindset of a sub in a D/s relationship when she is with and without her Dom. I like writing, so I hope I have entertained you a little.
I have no positives today. I feel terrible for not reaching out to Sir while I was out of town, but also because I’m sick. I did still make it in to work despite how I feel.
I am still under punishment. I texted Sir at our designated time last night and received no response as he promised I wouldn’t. So I went to bed. It makes me sad when I disappoint him, but I feel it’s quite cruel to leave me in silence intentionally when what I did was without intent or malice. I think punishment shouldn’t be playing with my already delicate psyche, it should be physical as it has been in the past. I can handle physical. This just makes me spiral down and disturbs me to no end. It’s Sir’s call how he wants to punish me so I shouldn’t complain, I know, but this really hurts my heart.
I will text him again this evening as required, and I hope I receive a response this time. If I don’t I guess I understand. He feels like I disrespected him by not reaching out while I was with my friend, her family, and my Kid. I certainly meant no disrespect toward him, I was just trying not to be rude to my friend who never once pulled her phone out while I was there. Of course he was on my mind the whole time, Sir is always on my mind. My friend and I even had a nice chat about him and how I felt things were between us. I was wrong apparently, and I am very sorry that I was. As soon as we awoke on Sunday, breakfast was ready and we all ate as a group at the table. Then the Kid and I packed up and left. It was while I was driving back that Sir texted me with his
anger disappointment. I assume his anger disappointment brewed even stronger since I was unable to return his text immediately simply stating “driving…” so he knew I would respond properly when it was safe to do so.
In addition to my normal meds, I’ve had to include my anti-anxiety med which I don’t normally need to take in the morning. I have a knot in my stomach and I’m finding it hard to concentrate. On top of that I have a chest cold I must have picked up at my friend’s house so I’m not in good shape to start with. I’m sad. I want to be home in my bed with the lights out and the shutters closed.
I may write more later, I just needed to get this off my heavy chest this morning. Thanks for reading.
The cone of silence has been lifted, Sir was concerned about my illness and contacted me this afternoon. The chest cold seems to be moving up to my sinuses, I’m not happy about that. Sir and I texted for a short while, but the tension between us was palpable. It’s nothing that can’t be cleared away with a good physical punishment. A clean slate is what we need.
I have to be well on Thursday so I can take Kid to go see a prospective university. Kid would be crushed if we didn’t make to this one. We are both excited about it since it’s pretty close to home. Plus I need to be well so I can receive my punishment and we can wipe this episode from our brains.
Sir is very upset and disappointed with me. Even more so since this isn’t the first time I’ve caused him to become upset with me. I am now on radio silence until possibly tomorrow night at our designated time.
Yesterday I went to my best friend’s house two and a half hours away with the Kid. We had a great time, I love spending time with her and her family. When my designated time to text Sir came around we were still at dinner, but I figured I’d get a pass since I was out of town and with my friend. No, I was wrong. I should have asked for the pass instead of assuming I would be granted one. I fully admit I was wrong, but I am being punished anyway.
I have no positives today. I have nothing today. My apologies.
Let’s start with the positives.
- I have a kind and caring Sir.
- I have an awesome Kid.
- I’ve canceled my therapy sessions.
- I feel good this week.
- There is plenty for me to do at work today.
Sir and I both made our appointments for our clean screen. Better to be safe than sorry, for sure! They didn’t tell me how long it would take for the results, but I am hoping it won’t be very long. I’m not worried or anything, I just hate waiting.
Houseguest is at her best friend’s funeral service. Kid is at a classmate’s working on a project. The house is eerily quiet, the cats don’t say much.
I really don’t have much to say today, so I’ll leave it at that.
I have been up since 4:00 AM, that is all.
It’s the anniversary of the death of my husband. I am not motivated to do anything today. I didn’t go to work nor did I do anything around the house. I feel sad.