I have no positives today. I feel terrible for not reaching out to Sir while I was out of town, but also because I’m sick. I did still make it in to work despite how I feel.
I am still under punishment. I texted Sir at our designated time last night and received no response as he promised I wouldn’t. So I went to bed. It makes me sad when I disappoint him, but I feel it’s quite cruel to leave me in silence intentionally when what I did was without intent or malice. I think punishment shouldn’t be playing with my already delicate psyche, it should be physical as it has been in the past. I can handle physical. This just makes me spiral down and disturbs me to no end. It’s Sir’s call how he wants to punish me so I shouldn’t complain, I know, but this really hurts my heart.
I will text him again this evening as required, and I hope I receive a response this time. If I don’t I guess I understand. He feels like I disrespected him by not reaching out while I was with my friend, her family, and my Kid. I certainly meant no disrespect toward him, I was just trying not to be rude to my friend who never once pulled her phone out while I was there. Of course he was on my mind the whole time, Sir is always on my mind. My friend and I even had a nice chat about him and how I felt things were between us. I was wrong apparently, and I am very sorry that I was. As soon as we awoke on Sunday, breakfast was ready and we all ate as a group at the table. Then the Kid and I packed up and left. It was while I was driving back that Sir texted me with his
anger disappointment. I assume his anger disappointment brewed even stronger since I was unable to return his text immediately simply stating “driving…” so he knew I would respond properly when it was safe to do so.
In addition to my normal meds, I’ve had to include my anti-anxiety med which I don’t normally need to take in the morning. I have a knot in my stomach and I’m finding it hard to concentrate. On top of that I have a chest cold I must have picked up at my friend’s house so I’m not in good shape to start with. I’m sad. I want to be home in my bed with the lights out and the shutters closed.
I may write more later, I just needed to get this off my heavy chest this morning. Thanks for reading.
The cone of silence has been lifted, Sir was concerned about my illness and contacted me this afternoon. The chest cold seems to be moving up to my sinuses, I’m not happy about that. Sir and I texted for a short while, but the tension between us was palpable. It’s nothing that can’t be cleared away with a good physical punishment. A clean slate is what we need.
I have to be well on Thursday so I can take Kid to go see a prospective university. Kid would be crushed if we didn’t make to this one. We are both excited about it since it’s pretty close to home. Plus I need to be well so I can receive my punishment and we can wipe this episode from our brains.