Disappointment

I have done it. I disappointed Sir for the very last time. He has released me and I am no longer His. I traveled this week so we were not in touch as often as normal. I returned home Friday morning just after midnight. We texted until I finally went to sleep Friday morning around 1:00 AM. I was awoken Friday afternoon at 2:30 PM by my mom and Kid coming home from a college tour. I was still tired from my trip and I fell asleep in front of the TV at 7:30 PM completely forgetting that I was supposed to meet Sir that very evening.

 

 

Saturday morning I awoke early and got a lot done around my house as I previously blogged. Sir texted me one short line to tell me I had a spa appointment at 1:00. I got ready and went. I texted Sir when I returned to thank him. That’s when I learned what a disappointment I truly am. Because I forgot that we were to meet Friday night Sir feels as though I am disrespectful of him and his time. We had words back and forth via text and he sent me a long email about how much of a disappointment I am, and why I am a disappointment. He’s right, I am, I don’t deserve a Sir like him.

So once again I am a disappointment to a man in my life. I cannot be anything but one. I can’t do anything right and I don’t know how to change that fact. I am disappointed in myself for making Sir feel this way. As much as I wish I could fix things between us I know can’t this time, it has been one time too many that I messed up. I removed my collar and placed it in my jewelry box. I don’t deserve to wear it anymore. I am beyond sad. I wish I could just curl up and die; I’ll never have another Dom as kind and loving as my Sir was towards me nor do I want one. For that I will always have regret and self-loathing. I’ve been crying since our last exchange and I don’t know how long these feelings of self-hate and despair will linger but I deserve them, I did it to myself. I am sorry in more ways than one.

 

 

I am done.

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2 thoughts on “Disappointment

  1. Wow, don’t be so hard on yourself, perhaps you made a mistake, you are human, you are bound to make mistakes. but people need to forgive people and move on. Maybe your not compatible with this person, but someone else will come along. I’m not trying to rhyme this post… I don’t know why it’s happening… You’re not a disappointment, I hope you’re able to find some source of happiness in all of this. *hugs if you want them

    Like

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