I have done it. I disappointed Sir for the very last time. He has released me and I am no longer His. I traveled this week so we were not in touch as often as normal. I returned home Friday morning just after midnight. We texted until I finally went to sleep Friday morning around 1:00 AM. I was awoken Friday afternoon at 2:30 PM by my mom and Kid coming home from a college tour. I was still tired from my trip and I fell asleep in front of the TV at 7:30 PM completely forgetting that I was supposed to meet Sir that very evening.
Saturday morning I awoke early and got a lot done around my house as I previously blogged. Sir texted me one short line to tell me I had a spa appointment at 1:00. I got ready and went. I texted Sir when I returned to thank him. That’s when I learned what a disappointment I truly am. Because I forgot that we were to meet Friday night Sir feels as though I am disrespectful of him and his time. We had words back and forth via text and he sent me a long email about how much of a disappointment I am, and why I am a disappointment. He’s right, I am, I don’t deserve a Sir like him.
So once again I am a disappointment to a man in my life. I cannot be anything but one. I can’t do anything right and I don’t know how to change that fact. I am disappointed in myself for making Sir feel this way. As much as I wish I could fix things between us I know can’t this time, it has been one time too many that I messed up. I removed my collar and placed it in my jewelry box. I don’t deserve to wear it anymore. I am beyond sad. I wish I could just curl up and die; I’ll never have another Dom as kind and loving as my Sir was towards me nor do I want one. For that I will always have regret and self-loathing. I’ve been crying since our last exchange and I don’t know how long these feelings of self-hate and despair will linger but I deserve them, I did it to myself. I am sorry in more ways than one.
I am done.