Sir has forgiven my transgressions. We chatted for several days before we finally met up. I had an amazing night tonight. Sir made me feel wonderful and amazing. I’m sad he had to leave so soon.
All things aside, I am so happy that Sir and I are back together. He makes me feel so beautiful. I love my Sir and I’m glad we are back together. He is an amazing. Intelligent, gentile, altruistic person, and I love all of that in him. I just hope he has some love for some of my characteristics. Sir makes me happy, and I’m happy we are able to reconnect.
Sir is the kind, caring, altruistic Sir he has always been. I lost my father this past weekend. I reached out to Sir and he was very understanding and kind towards me despite how I treated him and what I said to him. I doubt he would ever take me back as his sub, but at least I know I can reach out to him for some kind words if I need them. Twinkle. That is exactly why Sir is so special. Sir is empathetic and realizes that not all of us handle life with ease.
If I can be kind and giving in the manner that Sir is, maybe I have hope for a reconciliation. I don’t know what my problem truly is when it comes to Sir. Sometimes it’s a panic attack, sometimes it’s a lack of motivation and the need to isolate. He was very understanding for a very long time, there are just so many times someone will make exceptions. I’m past that limit, I know. I wish I wasn’t.
The viewing is on Friday, then I host a baby shower on Saturday. One life out, one life in. I have to pull it together so I can be a gracious host on Saturday. After that, I can isolate on Sunday. Kid will be off to the northern US and I will be alone in the house.
Sir and I had plans to have a session last Sunday, but I met someone that I thought I might like to date. Sir always said that he knew I would meet someone eventually and that would be the end of us. After many texts and meetings I realized that this person I met isn’t right for me. He is very much a country boy and I am very much a city girl. We could never agree on those aspects, I don’t want to live in a tiny town and the guy is intimidated by the big city. I won’t be seeing him again.
I miss my Sir. I miss his daily advice, I miss our text chats, I miss his intellect, I miss belonging to someone. I am still broken, broken because I am in a very bad low that I wish Sir would beat out of me. Broken because my psych upped one of my meds even though I don’t think it will help. Broken because I no longer have my Sir, my mentor, my reason to be better, my friend. I am broken and I don’t know how to fix myself. The new meds will help some but they will not replace my Sir. I won’t find another like him; kind, caring, aware of my issues, altruistic. My Sir was the best and I messed up by telling him I was done.
So I am left to try and piece myself back together. I need him now more than ever. Work has been hard. Making myself un-isolate has been very hard, not having his wisdom and words of encouragement has been the most difficult. I shouldn’t have ended things and I am very sorry I did. He is such a kind, caring, generous Sir I’m sure I have been replaced and that leaves me in a terrible state of regret. My Sir is no longer my Sir and I am devestated.
I want to be punished. I want to be set right. I want his dominance. I want my Sir back.
Sir and I had a very rough patch even after I thought it was all over. We reconnected momentarily, I missed and needed him. We had a “downtime” talk that put me in tears but he continued with our session despite my mood. That made me angry, I thought he cared about me. I think he just didn’t realize how upset I was. Afterwards I texted some horrible and vulgar things to him. Of course that made him angry and he finished with me abruptly. That struct me deep in my heart, I never wanted to hurt him.
I spiraled into a deep low before I finally admitted to Sir that I was broken. I needed him, I missed him, and I wanted him. We reconciled after I apologized for being so awful to him. We started to communicate again, and I was so happy. Then, I met someone. Not a Dom, just a guy. The guy and I have been communicating and finally met. I don’t think he will be a long-term guy, but I think we will enjoy each other’s company for a while. Easy and uncomplicated.
I’m sad that I will no longer be seeing Sir. I love my Sir, I will always love my Sir. Most of all, I will miss my Sir. He is kind, caring, and amazing. I don’t think I could find another like him which is why I don’t think I will be looking for another. I’ve had the best and I’m scared of the rest.
So I will date this guy, I’m no where near having sex with him, so I am also nowhere near telling him I want to sub. I don’t think he is the type of guy to understand. He’s a “moving on” guy. We can have a good time for a while but he lives far away and I have no desire to live in the country that is infested with alligators. They have lost so many black labs to alligators it breaks my heart.
I think I need some time to myself. Dating someone who works night shifts and lives almost an hour away just might give me that space I need. I have to come out of this very deep low that I am in, so maybe a new person in my life may help. It did take everything in me to get ready for this date tonight. I don’t know how to resurface. I’m drowning. I miss my Sir a lot.
From now on my blog will just be musings about my daily life. If Sir ever lets me back with him or if I find another Sir I will of course report it. Sorry fans, that’s where I am right now.