Sir and I had plans to have a session last Sunday, but I met someone that I thought I might like to date. Sir always said that he knew I would meet someone eventually and that would be the end of us. After many texts and meetings I realized that this person I met isn’t right for me. He is very much a country boy and I am very much a city girl. We could never agree on those aspects, I don’t want to live in a tiny town and the guy is intimidated by the big city. I won’t be seeing him again.
I miss my Sir. I miss his daily advice, I miss our text chats, I miss his intellect, I miss belonging to someone. I am still broken, broken because I am in a very bad low that I wish Sir would beat out of me. Broken because my psych upped one of my meds even though I don’t think it will help. Broken because I no longer have my Sir, my mentor, my reason to be better, my friend. I am broken and I don’t know how to fix myself. The new meds will help some but they will not replace my Sir. I won’t find another like him; kind, caring, aware of my issues, altruistic. My Sir was the best and I messed up by telling him I was done.
So I am left to try and piece myself back together. I need him now more than ever. Work has been hard. Making myself un-isolate has been very hard, not having his wisdom and words of encouragement has been the most difficult. I shouldn’t have ended things and I am very sorry I did. He is such a kind, caring, generous Sir I’m sure I have been replaced and that leaves me in a terrible state of regret. My Sir is no longer my Sir and I am devestated.
I want to be punished. I want to be set right. I want his dominance. I want my Sir back.