While at work today I received a text from Sir. This was the first back and forth communication between the two of us since Thursday. Sir told me that I had to be at our place at six and no excuses were allowed. I simply responded with the only response appropriate, “Yes, Sir.” The funny thing is that I wore my collar and matching bracelet today not expecting to hear from Sir but wanting to feel him. I had no idea he would ever contact me again, but I wanted to feel his presence so I wore both the collar and bracelet.
I was positive Sir would be so upset with me for being non-communicado Friday through Sunday that he would have given up on me and us. When the text arrived I was at first filled with thankfulness that I wasn’t training with one of my coworkers, then I was filled with dread. I had no idea what Sir had to say to me. I wasn’t sure if he had finally given up on me completely or if he was concerned about me.
I have a true and loving Sir. I met a few friends for a couple of drinks because I got off work at 3:30 and wasn’t going to meet Sir until Six. Honestly, whether my friends were at the pub or not, I would have stopped for those two drinks because I was so nervous about what would take place at “our place”.
I left the pub forty minutes before Six so I could get to the middle of town in plenty of time. Unfortunately, I took a left two streets too early and got stuck in mid-town traffic. Once I got to the place, I undressed and brushed my teeth. Sir came in the door while the toothbrush was still in my mouth. I was supposed to be naked on the chair awaiting him. Again I messed up. (I seem to be good at messing up.)
Once Sir asked if I had finished brushing my teeth and I agreed he pointed towards the chair in the room. At first I sat on my knees facing the back of the chair with my backside exposed to Sir. He wanted my feet planted firmly on the ground so I readjusted and sat with my front to the back of the chair and both my feet on the floor straddling the chair.
Once Sir starts our sessions I tend to forget the finer details because I am just living in the moment not sure if I should dread what’s to come or be excited about what’s to come. Today I was filled with dread. The antics on the chair are now gone – I have no idea what happened, but it couldn’t have been as bad as I anticipated otherwise I would have remembered it.
My hair was loose today. It’s down to my mid-to-lower back. Sir likes it long. I’ve been thinking about cutting it up to my shoulders to make it easier to get ready for work, but I would have to clear that with Sir, it’s his hair (including the rest of me) after all. I don’t think he would allow that. Sir was able to wrap my hair around his hand(s) and lead me around. He led me to the bed and had me lay down. Sir put me through some minor paces while I was on my stomach then he directed me to lie on my back. Hands in the air straight above my chest with my palms facing the ceiling, legs in the air perpendicular to the rest of my body feet bottoms toward the ceiling. Sir first put tape around my wrists and strapped them together. Legs went next and he taped them together before taping them to my wrists. Punishment phase was going to really begin now. Sir made sure to communicate that to me. He hit my palms, the bottoms of my feet, my legs, my ass, and various other spots on my body that he knew would sting and make me squirm uncomfortably. His goal was not pleasure at this point, and I knew it wouldn’t be as well.
One thing I must say about Sir is that he is concerned for my wellbeing first. I am always allowed to use my safe word. I am always welcome to walk away. I haven’t felt the need yet, so this one little incident didn’t bother me much. After all the foot, palm, ass, leg, breast, and thigh swats with a firm cane Sir began removing the tape explaining that the punishment phase was over. As he cut I could feel that the scissors were cutting deeper than just the tape on one of my wrists, but it didn’t hurt so I said nothing, I simply noticed the feeling. Sir wasn’t concerned until all the tape was removed, then he realized that he had cut my skin on my left wrist. It wasn’t a big cut, just a nick, but enough for him to be concerned. He wrapped it with a washcloth then wrapped a cuff around it to hold the washcloth in place. The pressure stopped the bleeding, and I didn’t feel it any way. I guess I need to get a tetanus shot since I haven’t had one since the 90’s.
I was put through my paces, Sir was quite firm before he released me. He asked if I knew what I did wrong. Of course I knew what I did wrong, I isolated all weekend not speaking to anyone other than Kid. I was low and I wanted to stay low. Sleep was my comfort and I spent a lot of time with it. Nope. Sir knew I was low and understood. The reason my amazing, caring, kind, Sir was upset with me was because I didn’t, couldn’t, refused to communicate with him. How could I be so selfish? I was so worried about disappointing him that that feeling was more tortuous than anything Sir did to me tonight. I honestly felt that if I tried to contact him after not showing up for our session on Friday he would rebuff me and make me feel terrible and rejected. Not my Sir. I have been doing a little better recently because of how my personal life is going, but once good things start happening to me I get “the dread” that it will all crumble and I will be down in the bottom again. That’s how I felt this weekend and I didn’t know how to explain it to Sir so I simply broke contact hoping he would just silently let me go so I could wallow in my self worthlessness and pity. I am truly fortunate to have such a kind and understanding Sir.
Sir changed gears and once I understood that I MUST communicate with my Sir, he moved to pleasure. Punishment was over, never to be brought up or talked about again. I took my punishment as he saw fit and made it through the other side.
The pleasure was pleasurable and our evening ended not too much later after that.
I learned a lot today. My feelings, my regret, my anticipation are all far more brutal than the punishment Sir will give me. Disappointing Sir hurts my heart so much I find it hard to believe he doesn’t beat me harder and longer. I think I beat myself much harder than my Sir ever could.
So lessons learned, love grows, while admiration and appreciation flourish.